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Writing Samples
Band 7

The graph below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013.

The graph below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013.
The bar chart shows the percentage of
time
Use synonyms
parents
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 helped
children
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 in Australia with four different daily chores in 2013.
It is clear that
Linking Words
mothers
Use synonyms
 gave much more help to
children
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 in dressing, doing homework and preparing for bed than
fathers
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.
Fathers
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 were more helpful in doing homework for
children
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 rather than other activities. Regarding dressing,
mothers
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 spent
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
75 per
cent
Use synonyms
 of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 helping their
children
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.
Fathers
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 almost did not spend their
time
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 dressing of
children
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. But
both
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mothers
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 and
fathers
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 spent their 22 per
cent
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 of
time
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 together on
children
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’s dressing.
Moreover
Linking Words
, for homework,
mothers
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 paid attention much more
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 than
fathers
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.
Mothers
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’ per
cent
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 was five times bigger than
fathers
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, at around 51 per
cent
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.
Both
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parents
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 together spent their
time
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 mediocre, standing at under 40 per
cent
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. As for playing games,
both
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parents
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 together spent much more their
time
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 noticeably than individual spending, at around 70 per
cent
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, in preparing for bad there was not a big difference between the
time
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 of
mothers
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 and
both
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parents
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 together, standing at 43 per
cent
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 and 51 per
cent
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, respectively. But spending
time
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 with
fathers
Use synonyms
 was considerably low compared to others.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words time, parents, children, mothers, fathers, cent, both with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "stand" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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