Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is believed by a contemporary group of individuals that technological fiction reduces criminal acts
while
others reckon that it
definetly
Correct your spelling
definitely
prompts criminals.
This
essay will discuss both these points of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
On the one hand, it is assumed by the people that advanced technologies assist police officers
to reveal
Change preposition
in revealing
show examples
crime
.
Such
technologies help them to take
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advantage by tracking
thiefs
Correct your spelling
thieves
show examples
by their IP address or identifying their personality with their fingertips found in the place of
crime
.
According to
recent research, the percentage of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
in certain countries dropped
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
half owing to technological evolution.
Additionally
, nowadays most of the crimes are being revealed within a day.
Hence
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
criminals think twice or even more before
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
a
crime
.
On the other hand
, it creates other types of
crime
like cyberbullying or
hack
Wrong verb form
hacking
show examples
of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
vast information. The most online widespread
crime
is cyberbullying whose victims in
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
are children as it is easy to influence them. Nowadays, everyone has at least one laptop at home which can be used by small children.
Cyberbulliers
Correct your spelling
Cyberbullies
make children
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
steal something at home or even worse they can lead them to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
suicide. To add to it, hacking of prominent governmental information may cause
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
war or hackers may hack bank accounts and steal money out of there.
For instance
, the
crime
rate in the US is rising day by day with the number of cyberbullers and hackers. In conclusion, I would have to mention that, everything has both positive and negative consequences like technological improvement.
Submitted by musayevjahangir on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Ensure your introduction more clearly outlines the views and your stance for greater clarity to the reader.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to include more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the clarity and flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your arguments; this adds credibility and depth to your essay. While you've mentioned research and general scenarios, including named studies or specific real-world examples would strengthen your points.
General
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and work on the accuracy of your language to improve the professionalism of your writing.
Task Achievement
You've done a great job discussing both views on the topic, providing a balanced overview before stating your own opinion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay's structure is clear, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Task Achievement
Main points are supported and elaborated upon, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • surveillance
  • forensic science
  • cybercrime
  • data theft
  • anonymity
  • illicit activities
  • law enforcement
  • jurisdictions
  • crime prevention
What to do next:
Look at other essays: