Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #technology #development #decreases #crime

It is believed by a contemporary group of individuals that technological fiction reduces criminal acts

while

others reckon that it

definetly

Correct your spelling

definitely

prompts criminals.

This

essay will discuss both these points of

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

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On the one hand, it is assumed by the people that advanced technologies assist police officers

to reveal

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in revealing

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crime

Such

technologies help them to take

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apply

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advantage by tracking

thiefs

Correct your spelling

thieves

show examples

by their IP address or identifying their personality with their fingertips found in the place of

crime

According to

recent research, the percentage of

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

crime

in certain countries dropped

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show examples

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apply

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half owing to technological evolution.

Additionally

, nowadays most of the crimes are being revealed within a day.

Hence

, most

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apply

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the

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criminals think twice or even more before

commiting

Correct your spelling

committing

crime

On the other hand

, it creates other types of

crime

like cyberbullying or

hack

Wrong verb form

hacking

show examples

the

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apply

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vast information. The most online widespread

crime

is cyberbullying whose victims in

majority

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the majority

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are children as it is easy to influence them. Nowadays, everyone has at least one laptop at home which can be used by small children.

Cyberbulliers

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Cyberbullies

make children

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apply

show examples

steal something at home or even worse they can lead them to

the

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apply

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suicide. To add to it, hacking of prominent governmental information may cause

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apply

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the

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war or hackers may hack bank accounts and steal money out of there.

For instance

, the

crime

rate in the US is rising day by day with the number of cyberbullers and hackers. In conclusion, I would have to mention that, everything has both positive and negative consequences like technological improvement.

Submitted by musayevjahangir on Wed May 01 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure your introduction more clearly outlines the views and your stance for greater clarity to the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

Try to include more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance the clarity and flow of your essay.

Task Achievement

Use specific examples to support your arguments; this adds credibility and depth to your essay. While you've mentioned research and general scenarios, including named studies or specific real-world examples would strengthen your points.

General

Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and work on the accuracy of your language to improve the professionalism of your writing.

Task Achievement

You've done a great job discussing both views on the topic, providing a balanced overview before stating your own opinion.

Coherence and Cohesion

Your essay's structure is clear, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Task Achievement

Main points are supported and elaborated upon, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
19Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

261 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

deterrent
surveillance
forensic science
cybercrime
data theft
anonymity
illicit activities
law enforcement
jurisdictions
crime prevention

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Some people think technology development decreases crime, while others believe it actually encourages crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Your opinion

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