Some people think that advertising may have positive economic effects. Others think it has negative social effects because advertising makes individuals less satisfied with what they are and have. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
It is believed by a contemporary group of individuals that marketing affects
economy
of a certain country positively, Add an article
the economy
while
others reckon that it has more drawbacks as they may wish the thing which is advertised. This
essay will discuss both points of view.
On the one hand, some group
of Fix the agreement mistake
groups
people
assume that advertisements has
a bad influence on them. Mainly, on the poor population as it may decrease their motivation to succeed Change the verb form
have
while
seeing the items which they cannot afford to buy. Meanwhile, it may harm their mental health and make them introvert. They will envy other people
who posses
a certain thing which they cannot buy. Correct your spelling
possess
Thus
, people
are being jealous and try to avoid society. According to
the
Correct article usage
apply
phycology
, seeing something which Correct your spelling
psychology
person
cannot purchase Correct article usage
a person
for
currently creates a notion that he or she will never be able to buy it and reduces self-confidence.
Change preposition
apply
On the other hand
, it is guessed by other nations that advertising benefits economy
as Correct article usage
the economy
government
Add an article
the government
set
particular taxes by which the budget of the government is Wrong verb form
sets
filling
. Wrong verb form
filled
Additionally
, it increases money flow in the country by drawing local and foreign customers. Individuals are inclined to buy things which they encounter in their daily life
. They would not be aware of a certain thing if they had not seen it in an advertisement. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
For instance
, on the days of the US crisis, an entrepreneur bought 20% of shares
of Correct article usage
the shares
Marlboro
company. That man spread Correct article usage
the Marlboro
pack
of Marlboro within the country. Add an article
a pack
Therefore
, customers inspired themselves in their minds that Marlboro is the best cigarette as they saw its packs everywhere which attracted foreign shareholders to the company and pushed the US to leave crisis
.
In conclusion, I would have to mention that, marketing can considerably improve Correct article usage
the crisis
economy
, even if it affects some Add an article
the economy
people
badly.Submitted by musayevjahangir on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Try to create a clearer distinction between paragraphs by using more varied transition words and phrases. This will help to guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.
Task Achievement
While you provided examples, aiming for more specific and recent examples could strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
Task Achievement
For an even stronger essay, consider more deeply exploring the counterarguments to your main points. Acknowledging and addressing counterarguments can make your position more robust and persuasive.
Task Achievement
You successfully addressed both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion which is crucial for the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
The overall structure of your essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, follows a logical and coherent flow.
Task Achievement
Using real-world examples, such as the Marlboro company's strategy during the US crisis, added depth to your argument and helped illustrate your points effectively.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example