For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In
this
modern world, shopping activities is
considered to be lifestyle Change the verb form
are
especially
for middle and high class Add the comma(s)
, especially
societies
. When people
could
buy high-qualities Wrong verb form
can
brand
, their level in Fix the agreement mistake
brands
societies
will increase dramatically. In Fix the agreement mistake
society
this
essay, I want to give my point of view.
To begin
with, some people
only buy some goods for their needs. However
, when their needs is
completely Change the verb form
are
fullfilled
, Correct your spelling
fulfilled
people
is
able to buy Change the verb form
are
another
Replace the adjective
another thing
other things
things
. Honestly, its
not Replace the word
it's
it is
problem
as long as they can control their desire.
Correct article usage
a problem
On the other hand
, consumerism
Replace the word
consumer
behavior
could be Change the spelling
behaviour
negative
impact when Add an article
the negative
a negative
societies
always buy branded things
. People
may not find out how to distinguish needs and desired
Wrong verb form
desires
due to
increased-frequent
of shopping.
Correct your spelling
increased frequency
Moreover
, fear of missing out (FOMO) feels
nowadays Verb problem
apply
happen
worldwide, and become Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
Correct article usage
a trends
trends
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
especially
for young Add the comma(s)
, especially
people
. If people
can't buy new-branded goods, they automatically feel stress
and worried. Their colleague may avoid Wrong verb form
stressed
to make
Change the verb form
making
friendship
. Replace the word
friends
Thus
, FOMO could become negative
Correct article usage
a negative
trends
.
Fix the agreement mistake
trend
Besides
, it would better
for Add a missing verb
be better
societies
if they can
save their wealth for saving or investing. So they could prepare for unprecedented Wrong verb form
could
things
. Saving and Investing also
become trends nowadays because of influencer
effect.
To Correct article usage
the influencer
concude
, I would prefer that consumerism Correct your spelling
conclude
behavior
is still Change the spelling
behaviour
good
Correct article usage
a good
things
if Fix the agreement mistake
thing
people
can control their desire
as Fix the agreement mistake
desires
its
will increase economic activities. Change the pronoun
it
In addition
, saving and investing will be alternative choices for people
who want to reduce their behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on
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Introduction Clarity
Your introduction effectively sets the topic, but clarifying your stance more definitively could enhance its impact. Consider stating directly whether consumerism is primarily positive or negative according to your view.
Supporting Examples
Try to provide specific examples or data to support your points about consumerism and its impacts on society. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing to the reader.
Grammar & Spelling
Be mindful of grammar and spelling throughout your essay. Errors can distract from your message. For instance, 'people is able to buy another things' should be 'people are able to buy other things'. Regular proofreading can help improve the readability of your essay.
Transitions
Your essay structure benefits from a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Further improving the transitions between paragraphs can aid the flow of your argument, making it easier for readers to follow.
Argument Depth
You've touched on important aspects of consumerism and its societal implications. Expanding on these with more depth and detail, perhaps by exploring economic, psychological, and social dimensions, can enrich your discussion.
Topic Understanding
You've shown an understanding of the broader implications of shopping as entertainment, a good demonstration of task achievement.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes your essay's main points and restates your perspective, offering a solid closure to the discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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