IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

For some people, shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is a form of entertainment. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #form #entertainment #development
In
this
 modern world, several
people
 Shopping is not just about buying what is necessary, but is
form
Add an article
a form
show examples
 of entertainment. In
this
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I am going to assume that it is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 development.
To begin
 with,
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of
people
 think that shopping is part of entertainment.They
are assume
Change the verb form
assume
show examples
 that they have to give
self reward
Add a hyphen
self-reward
show examples
 for their self after
do
Change the verb form
doing
show examples
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of work, so they need
entertain
Replace the word
entertainment
show examples
such
 as shopping to refresh their brain to
be enjoy
Change the verb form
enjoy
show examples
 and feel happy with
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 goods which is
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
buying. It
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
could make
feel
Correct pronoun usage
them feel
show examples
satify
Correct your spelling
satisfy
 that they
to be
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 able to
shopping
Change the verb
shop
show examples
 and can show
of
Replace the word
off
show examples
 to
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
people
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
 It can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 several
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
.
For instance
, in metropolitan
city
Fix the agreement mistake
cities
show examples
 a large number of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 when they have free time
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
day
Add an article
a day
the day
show examples
 off
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
always go to
shopping
Add an article
the shopping
a shopping
show examples
 center for looking entertain
such
 as shopping
clothes
Change preposition
for clothes
show examples
, eating something new in food curt or buying luxury
brand
Fix the agreement mistake
brands
show examples
 and electric goods.
Thus
, it can
be give
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
show examples
 impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 sector
indirectly
Change preposition
by indirectly
show examples
increase
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 tax income
form
Correct your spelling
from
show examples
 several
product
Change to a plural noun
products
show examples
.
Besides
, humans
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to
relaize
Correct your spelling
realise
 that if they have
habbit
Correct article usage
a habbit
show examples
 always
do
Verb problem
going
show examples
 shopping it can
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
 several negative
impact
Change to a plural noun
impacts
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 if they can not control
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 expenditures for shopping.
For example
, in
this
 modern world lot of
milenials
Correct your spelling
millennials
using
Wrong verb form
use
show examples
creadit
Correct your spelling
credit
card
Fix the agreement mistake
cards
show examples
 for shopping, and most of them
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
 realize how much they
was
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 spending money for
shooping
Correct your spelling
shopping
as
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if they using
credit
Add an article
a credit
show examples
 card to make
payment
Fix the agreement mistake
payments
show examples
 they are just need
tap
Fix the infinitive
to tap
show examples
 in machine, but
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
whole seek entertain like a shopping its really good things for make
people
 be happier and find satisfy self.
Consequently
Add a comma
Consequently,
show examples
 they would be more productive for their jobs. In conclusion, shopping has positive development in
others aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
other aspects
show examples
, but we
have
Rephrase
still have
show examples
 to sill aware
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
 important shopping
for
Add a missing verb
is for
show examples
fulfil
Change the verb form
fulfilling
show examples
 our groceries.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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coherence cohesion
Strive for clarity and coherence in your paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that ideas are logically connected.
task achievement
Address both sides of the argument more explicitly to meet the task requirement thoroughly. Your essay should clearly reflect the pros and cons based on the topic.
grammar
Review your essay for grammatical errors and improve the sentence structure for better readability and professionalism.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to more precisely express your ideas and arguments.
introduction
You made an effort to introduce the topic and provide a rationale for why shopping can be seen as a positive development.
examples
There is an attempt to provide examples and explain the impacts of shopping as entertainment on individual happiness and the economy.
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