IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Write about the following topic. Graduates who cannot find work in their chosen field should be advised to do a second degree, rather than taking a job that does not interest them. - To what extent do you agree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #graduates #work #field #second #job #interest
Many young
people
 after graduating
Change preposition
from universities
show examples
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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 cannot find a
job
 in areas, which interest them. They can get work, which is not related
with
Change preposition
to
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 their choice or get
the
Correct article usage
a
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 second degree
of
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in
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education
. In my opinion,
people
 should try to get deeper knowledge. Many professors claim that
education
 is a really significant thing in our times.
Knowledges
Change the wording
Knowledge
Pieces of knowledge
Bits of knowledge
show examples
 can help us to find a
job
, maybe it cannot happen at one moment. But it will despite on the time. The reason why students should not spend their
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
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for
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on
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 unnecessary
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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,
because
Add a missing verb
is because
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 it can deprive their opportunities to meet new
people
 in
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 areas, who
also
 can help
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to find a
job
 or introduce
you
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to powerful
people
.
However
, some
people
 do not have money for extra
education
. They need
gaining
Change the verb form
to gain
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 money to survive. At the reason why
people
 do not work in their specialities and choose not well=paid work. They have no choice, but some of them have the opportunity to continue
the
Correct article usage
apply
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studying. They do not do it because of their disappointment in
chosen
Wrong verb form
choosing
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 professionals.
This
 type of
students
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student
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want
Change the verb form
wants
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 to understand what they should do in the future. Change of activity can help them to
choosen
Correct your spelling
choose
 a new speciality or a new strategy of
actions
Fix the agreement mistake
action
show examples
.
To conclude
, students should not stop the process of their
education
, if they can not find a
job
. They have to pay attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 extra knowledge in the university or special courses.
Submitted by khotkina.ma on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea. This will improve the clarity and coherence of the essay.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
Language and Grammar
Work on sentence structures and grammar to improve the overall readability and clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You've included an introduction and conclusion, which frame your arguments well.
Task Achievement
The essay responds to the task by discussing both the advantages of pursuing further education and the reasons for taking up unrelated jobs.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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