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Band 5.5

Advertising can influence the way people think, so it has negative effects. Do you agree or disagree?

#influence #people #effects
It is argued that there are bad impacts on the way mankind thinks that
caused
Add a missing verb
are caused
show examples
 by
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
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. It is believed that they will make a bad decision.
This
 essay strongly disagrees with that statement. I believe that people will get more inspiration after reading or watching advertising, and they can collect as much information as possible from it. Whoever reads the commercial on printed or online media or watches it on television will gain new insight
about
Change preposition
into
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 the
products
. The way the
products
 have been presented will influence the audience. For illustration, a broadcast about a cashless payment system will inspire men and women to use that technology. It will make them bring less money into their wallets. In another case, a brand new running shoe publicity can inspire citizens to build a running habit. The soon-to-be buyers can learn more about the
products
 through advertisements. The data provided will make them sure whether they need to buy the
products
 or not, or whether the
products
 suit them or not.
For example
, an endorsement for an electric toothbrush shows that it can remove all the dirt from the teeth. Another example,
an
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is an
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 announcement about a property that shows all the details like location, length and width, floorplan, accessibility, and price. The more it gives the information, the better
audience
Correct article usage
the audience
show examples
 knows. In conclusion, the community will gain inspiration and a lot of information from advertisements. I predict that advertisements will play a more important role in the future because people nowadays are getting very engaged with media.
Submitted by mayaanita.studi on

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sentence variety
Consider diversifying sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement.
examples
Enhance the argument by integrating more varied and concrete examples to support your viewpoints more robustly.
introduction/conclusion
Effective use of an introduction and conclusion to frame the essay's arguments.
task response
Successfully addresses the task with a clear position throughout the essay.
examples
Good use of examples to support points, although they could be further detailed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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