In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What band are the causes of this? Whom does this affect more, parents or children?

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Because of technological advances, nowadays,
parents
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tend to spend
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply

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less time with their
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

which is becoming a debatable topic. In my
Linking Words

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further
Correct word choice
next

There may be an adjective issue here.

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paragraph
Add a comma
paragraph,

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I will give the causes and effects of
this
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problem.             There are a variety of factors which have led to negative influences on most families. One of the major
cause
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causes

It seems that cause may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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is that
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

have to work for long hours in order to create a better life.
This
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is because the cost of living has significantly increased and people are more eager to make enough money for their family.
Besides
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

that, these days,
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are more addicted to electronic devices,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as mobile phones or computers
together with
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their
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
This
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turned out not to manage their time properly. These cases would come into effect for family relations adversely.
For instance
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

will become more aggressive and rude and their attitude towards their
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

is unappreciated by virtue of having not enough care and attention
of
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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them. What's more, another point to consider is that the dependence
of
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on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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technological appliances would impact
on
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apply

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not only
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

' health and behaviour but
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

's character and fitness level desperately.
As a consequence
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, both suffer from dangerous diseases,
such
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

as stress, eye problems, obesity and
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes

If you don’t want diabete to be marked as misspelled in the future, you can add it to your personal dictionary.

. In conclusion, taking everything into account, I tend to give my perspective that
parents
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should control their time management for their family and work. Another solution which should be taken action is how to bond effective relationships with their
children
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and how to avoid the addiction
of
Change preposition
to

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internet
Correct article usage
the internet

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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and develop their manners in the right way. These are successful approaches for both
parents
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

and youngsters.

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Introduction Clarity
Ensure your introduction provides a clear overview of the essay topic and outlines your position or perspective.
Example Specificity
Consider adding more specific examples to support your main points. Real-world cases or hypothetical scenarios add depth and clarity.
Paragraph Structure
Keep paragraphs well-organized with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
Linking Words
Mind the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Using linking words and phrases can help to connect your ideas more clearly.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and dynamic. Mix simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout.
Task Response
You've effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing the causes and who is more affected.
Conclusion Strength
You have successfully concluded your essay, summarizing your main points and providing a clear stance on the issue.
Aspect Insight
Your essay engages with the topic thoughtfully, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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