In some countries, people these days spend little time with their children. What band are the causes of this? Whom does this affect more, parents or children?
Because of technological advances, nowadays,
parents
tend to spend their
less time with their Correct pronoun usage
apply
children
which is becoming a debatable topic. In my further
Correct word choice
next
paragraph
I will give the causes and effects of Add a comma
paragraph,
this
problem.
There are a variety of factors which have led to negative influences on most families. One of the major cause
is that Fix the agreement mistake
causes
parents
have to work for long hours in order to create a better life. This
is because the cost of living has significantly increased and people are more eager to make enough money for their family. Besides
that, these days, parents
are more addicted to electronic devices, such
as mobile phones or computers together with
their children
. This
turned out not to manage their time properly.
These cases would come into effect for family relations adversely. For instance
, children
will become more aggressive and rude and their attitude towards their parents
is unappreciated by virtue of having not enough care and attention of
them. What's more, another point to consider is that the dependence Change preposition
apply
of
technological appliances would impact Change preposition
on
on
not only Change preposition
apply
parents
' health and behaviour but also
children
's character and fitness level desperately. As a consequence
, both suffer from dangerous diseases, such
as stress, eye problems, obesity and diabete
.
In conclusion, taking everything into account, I tend to give my perspective that Correct your spelling
diabetes
parents
should control their time management for their family and work. Another solution which should be taken action is how to bond effective relationships with their children
and how to avoid the addiction of
Change preposition
to
internet
and develop their manners in the right way. These are successful approaches for both Correct article usage
the internet
parents
and youngsters.Submitted by nazirovmuhammad71 on
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Introduction Clarity
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Example Specificity
Consider adding more specific examples to support your main points. Real-world cases or hypothetical scenarios add depth and clarity.
Paragraph Structure
Keep paragraphs well-organized with clear topic sentences that introduce the main idea of each paragraph, followed by supporting sentences and a concluding sentence.
Linking Words
Mind the transitions between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas. Using linking words and phrases can help to connect your ideas more clearly.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures to make your essay more engaging and dynamic. Mix simple, compound, and complex sentences throughout.
Task Response
You've effectively addressed both parts of the prompt, discussing the causes and who is more affected.
Conclusion Strength
You have successfully concluded your essay, summarizing your main points and providing a clear stance on the issue.
Aspect Insight
Your essay engages with the topic thoughtfully, demonstrating an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
Your opinion
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If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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