Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.
Some
people
argue that having more Use synonyms
money
is better than having free Use synonyms
time
Use synonyms
while
some Linking Words
individuals
say that free Use synonyms
time
helps Use synonyms
people
lose stress and provides them with self-confidence.
Recently, some Use synonyms
individuals
claim that having more Use synonyms
money
provides Use synonyms
people
with several Use synonyms
advantages
. It helps them to be independent and have the best life quality with financial independence. Use synonyms
For example
, when a person works and earns Linking Words
money
by having the Use synonyms
money
, they feel confident, Use synonyms
moreover
, working leads them to make a timetable and be punctual. Linking Words
for instance
, part-Linking Words
time
work leads Use synonyms
people
to arrive at their jobs on Use synonyms
time
. Use synonyms
Consequently
, having more Linking Words
money
provides Use synonyms
individuals
with different Use synonyms
advantages
.
Use synonyms
However
, Free Linking Words
time
helps Use synonyms
people
to have several positive influences on their lives. it means that Free Use synonyms
time
leads them to communicate with friends and family. Use synonyms
In addition
, during association Linking Words
people
might share some ideas that will raise their awareness and make their future schedule. Use synonyms
For instance
, when the UN has a session about global issues Linking Words
such
as politics, discussing the following problem leads Linking Words
people
to make their future timetable. Use synonyms
Therefore
, having free Linking Words
time
provides residents with various Use synonyms
advantages
.
Use synonyms
To conclude
, some populations argue that having more Linking Words
money
helps Use synonyms
individuals
with multiple Use synonyms
advantages
. Use synonyms
While
there are some claims that free Linking Words
time
provides Use synonyms
people
with a better future timetable and punctuality in their personal lives.Use synonyms
Submitted by hsmkashi on
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Task Response
You've nicely outlined both viewpoints and made an effort to discuss them. However, your essay would benefit from a clearer statement of your own opinion. Make sure to explicitly state your stance in the conclusion to fully meet the task requirement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clearer paragraphing and use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluently. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Task Achievement
Introducing more specific examples and elaborating on your points with more detail can add depth to your argument. This will strengthen your essay by providing clear evidence to support your discussion.
Introduction
Your introduction sets up the discussion well, indicating that you will consider both sides of the argument.
Logical Structure
You have a logical structure that outlines the advantages of having more money and the benefits of free time, showing an understanding of both viewpoints.
Conclusion
The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion, though it could be stronger with a clear declaration of your personal viewpoint.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?