IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Having more money and less free time is better than earning less money and having more free time. Discuss both views and state your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some
people
Use synonyms
 argue that having more
money
Use synonyms
 is better than having free
time
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 some
individuals
Use synonyms
 say that free
time
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 lose stress and provides them with self-confidence. Recently, some
individuals
Use synonyms
 claim that having more
money
Use synonyms
 provides
people
Use synonyms
 with several
advantages
Use synonyms
. It helps them to be independent and have the best life quality with financial independence.
For example
Linking Words
, when a person works and earns
money
Use synonyms
 by having the
money
Use synonyms
, they feel confident,
moreover
Linking Words
, working leads them to make a timetable and be punctual.
for instance
Linking Words
, part-
time
Use synonyms
 work leads
people
Use synonyms
 to arrive at their jobs on
time
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
, having more
money
Use synonyms
 provides
individuals
Use synonyms
 with different
advantages
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, Free
time
Use synonyms
 helps
people
Use synonyms
 to have several positive influences on their lives. it means that Free
time
Use synonyms
 leads them to communicate with friends and family.
In addition
Linking Words
, during association
people
Use synonyms
 might share some ideas that will raise their awareness and make their future schedule.
For instance
Linking Words
, when the UN has a session about global issues
such
Linking Words
 as politics, discussing the following problem leads
people
Use synonyms
 to make their future timetable.
Therefore
Linking Words
, having free
time
Use synonyms
 provides residents with various
advantages
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
, some populations argue that having more
money
Use synonyms
 helps
individuals
Use synonyms
 with multiple
advantages
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 there are some claims that free
time
Use synonyms
 provides
people
Use synonyms
 with a better future timetable and punctuality in their personal lives.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
You've nicely outlined both viewpoints and made an effort to discuss them. However, your essay would benefit from a clearer statement of your own opinion. Make sure to explicitly state your stance in the conclusion to fully meet the task requirement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to organize your essay with clearer paragraphing and use a range of linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more fluently. This will enhance the overall coherence and cohesion of the essay.
Task Achievement
Introducing more specific examples and elaborating on your points with more detail can add depth to your argument. This will strengthen your essay by providing clear evidence to support your discussion.
Introduction
Your introduction sets up the discussion well, indicating that you will consider both sides of the argument.
Logical Structure
You have a logical structure that outlines the advantages of having more money and the benefits of free time, showing an understanding of both viewpoints.
Conclusion
The conclusion attempts to summarize the discussion, though it could be stronger with a clear declaration of your personal viewpoint.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • facilitating
  • lifestyle
  • professional development
  • increased stress
  • work-life balance
  • hobbies
  • quality time
  • physical and mental health
  • financial constraints
  • luxury items
  • overall well-being
  • personal growth
  • middle ground
  • sacrificing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: