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Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Topic: The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.

Topic: The chart below gives information about how families in one country spent their weekly income in 1968 and in 2018.
#topic #information #families #country #income
The given chart illustrates how families’ salaries have been spent on some facilities every week in one country, and it is compared
two
Change preposition
to two
show examples
 years (1968 and 2018).
Overall
, average weekly spending on food was the highest
per
Correct your spelling
percentage
show examples
cent
 in 1968
however
; in 2018 leisure had the highest rank.
It is clear that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there is one similarity in one section and the percentage of other parts
were
Correct pronoun usage
that were
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
infatuated in these years.
According to
 the chart, 35 per
cent
 of their income
has been
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 spent on food in 1968;
although
 it had
been become
Change to the active voice
become
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
17 in 2018.
Moreover
, fuel and power, clothing and
footware
Correct your spelling
footwear
 and personal goals had respectively 6, 10 and 8 per
cent
 in
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 year
while
 the section of them reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
4, 5 and 4 per
cent
 in the second year. It is shown that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the insight of families was completely changed in 2018
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because they 23 per
cent
 of their
wage
Fix the agreement mistake
wages
show examples
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 leisure
whereas
; they spent only 9 per
cent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
 part in past.
Furthermore
; approximately 19 and 14 per
cent
 of salaries has been used for housing and transport, and these parts’ sections were respectively 10 and 7 per
cent
 in 1968.
In addition
; the idea
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 spending money
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 household goods has
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
never changed and was 8 per
cent
 in both years.
Submitted by abhari1997 on

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Vocabulary: Replace the words cent with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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