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Band 2

In many cities, planners tend to arrange shops, schools, offices and homes in specific areas and separate them from each other. Do you think the advantages of this policyoutweigh the disadvantages?

#cities #planners #shops #schools #offices #homes #areas #policyoutweigh
Currently, after the development of
technology
Add a comma
technology,
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 more and more people especially
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation spend their
time
 on gadgets. Some people think that watching TV can
lead
Verb problem
have
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positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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 effect on
children
. In my opinion, the
affect
Replace the word
effect
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after
Change preposition
of
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use
Correct article usage
the use
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television
Change preposition
of television
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are
Change the verb form
is
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 more harmful
on
Change preposition
to
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 young
minds
. In
virtual
Add an article
a virtual
the virtual
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 world currently more and more
emerge
Verb problem
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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useless information from suspicious sites. The
children
 can not sort and distinguish useful information from useless.
This
 is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 high risk that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation can follow the wrong
advises
Replace the word
advice
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 from channels. It can lead that young
minds
can grasp
Wrong verb form
grasping
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 a lot of unnecessary information that brings large problems to
brain
Add an article
the brain
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.
Moreover
,
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
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 a lot of
time
 on gadgets can cause addiction.
The
Correct article usage
Children
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children
 more and
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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begin wasting their
life
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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time
 on
television
 than
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 outside and doing activities. It has a very bad effect on mental abilities. The
children
 become more lazy. Currently
the
Correct article usage
apply
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young
minds
prefer
Add the particle
prefer to
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 spend their
time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
watching
television
 than reading books in
library
Add an article
the library
a library
show examples
. In conclusion, in my opinion
that
Correct word choice
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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watching
television
 should
restrict
Wrong verb form
be restricted
show examples
 for
children
 and adults. The young
minds
 often take an example from their parents
Submitted by zakirova7ez3 on

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Task Achievement
Consider directly addressing the essay question by discussing the specific advantages and disadvantages of the policy mentioned. Your essay seems to focus on the broader topic of technology's impact on children, rather than the arrangement of city areas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on structuring your essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion that are specifically related to the essay topic.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to support your points. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more engaging and informative.
General
Remember to revise your work for minor grammatical and spelling mistakes to enhance clarity and professionalism.
Content
Your essay demonstrates a good effort to engage with issues related to technology and youth.
Analysis
You've shown an ability to consider and analyze the potential impacts of television and gadgets on young people.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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