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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.

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The graph below shows the number of tourists visiting a particular Caribbean island between 2010 and 2017.
The line graph illustrates the
number
Use synonyms
 of
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 who visited a Caribbean
island
Use synonyms
 from 2010 to 2017.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the figures for
three
Correct article usage
the three
show examples
 categories increased throughout the period.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 saw the most substantial
rise
Punctuation problem
rise,
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 followed by those staying on cruise ships. The
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
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 experienced a
slightly
Replace the word
slight
 rise. At the beginning, the total
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 was
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
1
million
Use synonyms
, following a significant increase.
Then
Linking Words
, the figure for people who visited an
island
Use synonyms
 saw
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
only
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 throughout the period, reaching 3.5
million
Use synonyms
 by 2017. Regarding
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
visitors
Use synonyms
 who stayed on cruise ships and on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
, they were at about 250,000 and 750,000 in 2010, respectively.
Then
Linking Words
, the figure for
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on
Use synonyms
island
Correct article usage
the island
show examples
 saw a gradual increase, before staying stable at 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 by 2015. Afterwards, the figure fluctuated and ended up
reached
Wrong verb form
reaching
show examples
 1.5
million
Use synonyms
 in 2017.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
number
Use synonyms
 of
visitors
Use synonyms
 staying on cruise ships grew dramatically, reaching 2
million
Use synonyms
 by the end of the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, island, visitors, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fluctuation
  • peak
  • trough
  • upward trend
  • downward trend
  • steady increase
  • sharp decline
  • seasonal variation
  • cruise ship visitors
  • island stay visitors
  • economic impact
  • environmental impact
  • tourism industry
  • sustainable tourism
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