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Band 7.5

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010.

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The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010.
The charts below represent the proportion of spending by students, generally, at one institute, in 2000 and 2010. First and foremost, food and drink (home) constituted the highest share of the
left
Correct word choice
apply
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pie chart, accounting for 29%.
Secondly
Linking Words
, 21% of the chart comprised utilities, water, and electricity, to be precise.
Moreover
Linking Words
, in 2000, money was
also
Linking Words
 spent on clothing
and
Punctuation problem
,
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 sports and cultural activities, standing for 16% and 17%.
Also
Linking Words
, holidays and eating out parts constituted a minor percentage of the left chart, having 5% and 4%, respectively. The transport
section
Use synonyms
 amounted to 8%. Turning to 2010, expenses on food and drinks at home stayed at the same level, 29%.
However
Linking Words
, the amount of money spent on utilities grew from 21% to 27%.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there was a marked decrease in the clothing part, as in 2010 it constituted 5%. Meanwhile, the sports and cultural activities
section
Use synonyms
 remained the same.
In addition
Linking Words
, the transport and eating out categories slightly rose to 9% and 8%.
Holidays
Correct article usage
The holidays
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section
Use synonyms
 showed no change. Taken as a whole, major changes happened to the utilities
section
Use synonyms
 by 2010, showing a rise from 21% to 27%.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, expenditure on clothing plunged to 5%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words section with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "proportion" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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