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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010.

The charts below show the proportion of expenditure by students, on average, at one university, in 2000 and 2010.
The graph demonstrates the weekly earnings of full-time graduate
emplyees
Correct your spelling
employees
 by their type of
degree
Use synonyms
 and
age
Use synonyms
. The first key feature shows us that first
degree
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 maintain the least position
overall
Linking Words
, having
less
Correct word choice
the lowest
show examples
 amount of weekly earnings throughout
ages
Use synonyms
 21-60 and incomes of 350-690.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, persons who finished other courses had
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 increase through
ages
Use synonyms
 23-38 with 820 earnings, dipping to 690 at the
ages
Use synonyms
 of 56-60. Showing us
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 downward trend after maintaining an upward trend for 4
age
Use synonyms
 groups. Meanwhile, higher
degree
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 show
constant
Correct article usage
a constant
show examples
rising
Replace the word
rise
show examples
 in weekly salary throughout all
age
Use synonyms
 gaps.
Linking Words
This type
Fix the agreement mistake
These types
show examples
 of people get
highest
Correct article usage
the highest
show examples
 weekly salary at the
ages
Use synonyms
56
Change preposition
of 56
show examples
-60. All those graph changes show upward trends, without any of them going down.
Overall
Linking Words
, the incomes of all
graduates
Use synonyms
 climbed gradually, with higher
degree
Use synonyms
graduates
Use synonyms
 getting in the lead at the
last
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
 group.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "overall".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words degree, age, graduates, ages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 3 times.
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