IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

the charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in nothern ireland

the charts show the distribution of money spent on music in three different years in nothern ireland
The pie charts depict
consumers
Change noun form
consumers'
consumer's
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 expenditure on four different
of
Change preposition
apply
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music
Use synonyms
soursec
Correct your spelling
sources
 namely CDs, concerts,
digital
Change the word
digitally
show examples
 downloaded
music
Use synonyms
 and others.In three separate years in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Northern Ireland.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
much
Correct article usage
a much
show examples
Use synonyms
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
 was spent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
music
Use synonyms
 CDs in the two first given years,
while
Linking Words
 the most required source of
music
Use synonyms
 digital downloads in 2011 year.
Cds
Correct your spelling
CDs
show examples
 made up 61 percent of the
money
Use synonyms
 in 2005
this
Linking Words
 is 20% higher than in 2009.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 26
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of the
money
Use synonyms
 was
spenton
Correct your spelling
spent on
spent
 Disitad Download
however
Linking Words
 it was only 6
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
2005
Change preposition
in 2005
show examples
 going to Concerts was
away
Correct your spelling
way
show examples
 more popular in 2005 than in 2008 2 portions of
Use synonyms
money
Correct article usage
the money
show examples
 were spent
other
Change preposition
on other
show examples
 sources in both 2005
on
Change preposition
apply
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years. By 2011,a huge amount of
money
Use synonyms
 was spent on downloaded
music
Use synonyms
 (43%),
while
Linking Words
 CD
music
Use synonyms
 and
music
Use synonyms
 concerts required almost the same percentage of
money
Use synonyms
 with
2
Correct article usage
a 2
show examples
%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
difference.
Linking Words
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
show examples
 the rest of
financial
Correct article usage
the financial
show examples
 resource was expensed for other sources of
music
Use synonyms

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, money with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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