Topic: Many doctors are concerned about the high use of computer games by children and young people. Task: what are the advantages and disadvantages of children playing computer games?

in modern life , computer
games
begin
Add the particle
begin to
show examples
play a big role in our
chidern
Correct your spelling
children
,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
can affect in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
behaviour and
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
skills , some people see that there isn’t problematic when
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
kids
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
video
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
show examples
,
idont
Correct your spelling
I don't
agree with them in
this
essay
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
will demonstrate that and give reasons,
to begin
with,
video
games
can impact
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our society notably
childern
Correct your spelling
children
influence in
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
behaviour and
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
thinking
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
ideas and
forthermore
Correct your spelling
furthermore
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
imagination all these changes kids ,
for
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
some
cumputer
Correct your spelling
computer
games
focusing
Wrong verb form
focus
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
killing people more
killig
Correct your spelling
killing
person that means to
games
the child will be closer to winning the game these ideas can affect in his real life in future .
Secondly
, some studies
begin
Wrong verb form
have begun
show examples
to
scary
Replace the word
scare
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
scientists find
video
games
can change the way of mind and how it
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
also
percive
Correct your spelling
perceive
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
knowledge , they see
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
minors in
this
generation un active with others and they decline the ability to make
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
with others .
to sum up
, Computer
games
could
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
be interesting to several people and notably
chidern
Correct your spelling
children
but
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
time it had various
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
disadvantages
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
families should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
make so time to give
thers
Correct your spelling
their
minors
playing
Change the verb form
to play
show examples
video
games
but not all there week .
Submitted by abdulelah.gh3 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

essay structure
Review the basic structure of an essay, including an introduction that clearly states the topic and your viewpoint, body paragraphs with clear topic sentences that discuss one main idea each, and a conclusion that summarises your points and restates your viewpoint.
language use
Focus on clarity and precision in language use. Avoid overly complex sentences that can confuse the reader and lead to grammatical errors.
supporting evidence
Include specific examples to support your arguments. This not only strengthens your argument but also makes your essay more engaging and informative.
spelling/grammar
Watch out for spelling and grammar mistakes. Use spell check tools or ask someone to proofread your essay before submitting it.
paragraph transitions
Make sure every paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use transition words and phrases to help guide your reader through your arguments in a logical way.
engagement with topic
Engages with the topic in a personal way, showing a clear interest in the subject.
balanced argument
Attempts to present both sides of the argument, acknowledging the complexity of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: