Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for old people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Growing up is a crucial cycle
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
all living creatures.
People
have no choice but to unavoidably become older as time passes.
While
many
people
believe that the elderly
is more
Verb problem
are
show examples
easier to live
in
Change preposition
with in
show examples
modern
society
, there are
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
voices suggest getting older is a negative thing. In my opinion, no matter how advanced technology and humanism
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
, becoming older still brings negative effects to
people
. First and foremost,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
is easier to live in modern
society
because of medical and social advancement. Treatments for
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
diseases have been improved a lot compared to
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
centuries. Diseases like diabetes
as well as
cancer are relatively simpler to cure nowadays. Older
people
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
no longer suffer from pain like they used to. And the promotion of health science induced more elderly
have
Fix the infinitive
to have
show examples
better physical conditions.
Next,
society
is
more easy
Replace the words
easier
show examples
to accept
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
than previous
due to
the
aware
Replace the word
awareness
show examples
of humanism.
For instance
, there is a significantly increasing number of old
people
that
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
go to
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
share
Verb problem
have
show examples
great
Change the article
a great
show examples
time with
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
generations. It shows there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
barriers for different generations nowadays.
Therefore
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
definitely easier to live in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
.
However
, there is no doubt that
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
brings
Verb problem
have
show examples
negative impacts
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
both
society
and
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
show examples
. Generally, old
people
have poor body
condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
show examples
due to
degradation
Correct article usage
the degradation
show examples
of
immune
Add an article
the immune
show examples
system. They are required to spend extra time on health management which is a trouble for themselves.
Furthermore
,
society
is
provided
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
surging expenditure on health systems. Medical expenses
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
a large number using a lot of capital which is unavoidable.
For instance
,
Hong
Correct article usage
the Hong
show examples
Kong government spent almost 10 billion
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
old
people
in the year
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2022.
Therefore
,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
both negative impacts on
society
and individuals. Personally, I strongly believe that
cons
Correct article usage
the cons
show examples
of getting older are much more than
pros
Correct article usage
the pros
show examples
of elderly
live
Wrong verb form
living
show examples
in modern
society
. In conclusion,
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
is much
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier to live
in
Change preposition
with in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern
society
.
However
, the negative effects of getting old still
not
Add a missing verb
do not
show examples
outweigh the
advantage
Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
show examples
of living in
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
world.
Submitted by oscar77734644 on

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task achievement
Try to clarify your opinion more distinctly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative stance.
task achievement
Work on making your examples more specific and directly related to the points you're discussing. This will enhance the clarity and relevance of your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a variety of linking phrases can help your essay flow more naturally.
coherence & cohesion
Revise your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for clearer expression.
task achievement
You've effectively covered both views of the argument, as required by the prompt.
coherence & cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and set up the structure of your essay well.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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