Some people think that getting old is a negative thing, whereas others think it is much easier for old people to live in modern society. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Growing up is a crucial cycle
in
all living creatures. Change preposition
for
People
have no choice but to unavoidably become older as time passes. While
many people
believe that the elderly is more
easier to live Verb problem
are
in
modern Change preposition
with in
society
, there are others
voices suggest getting older is a negative thing. In my opinion, no matter how advanced technology and humanism Correct quantifier usage
other
is
, becoming older still brings negative effects to Correct subject-verb agreement
are
people
.
First and foremost, elderly
is easier to live in modern Correct article usage
the elderly
society
because of medical and social advancement. Treatments for aging
diseases have been improved a lot compared to Change the spelling
ageing
last
centuries. Diseases like diabetes Correct article usage
the last
as well as
cancer are relatively simpler to cure nowadays. Older people
are
no longer suffer from pain like they used to. And the promotion of health science induced more elderly Unnecessary verb
apply
have
better physical conditions. Fix the infinitive
to have
Next,
society
is more easy
to accept Replace the words
easier
elderly
than previous Correct article usage
the elderly
due to
the aware
of humanism. Replace the word
awareness
For instance
, there is a significantly increasing number of old people
that
go to Correct pronoun usage
who
gym
Add an article
the gym
who
Correct word choice
and
share
Verb problem
have
great
time with Change the article
a great
young
generations. It shows there are Correct article usage
the young
less
barriers for different generations nowadays. Change the quantifier
fewer
Therefore
, elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
is
definitely easier to live in Unnecessary verb
apply
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
society
.
However
, there is no doubt that elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
brings
negative impacts Verb problem
have
to
both Change preposition
on
society
and individual
. Generally, old Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
people
have poor body condition
Fix the agreement mistake
conditions
due to
degradation
of Correct article usage
the degradation
immune
system. They are required to spend extra time on health management which is a trouble for themselves. Add an article
the immune
Furthermore
, society
is provided
surging expenditure on health systems. Medical expenses Wrong verb form
providing
is
a large number using a lot of capital which is unavoidable. Change the verb form
are
For instance
, Hong
Kong government spent almost 10 billion Correct article usage
the Hong
for
old Change preposition
on
people
in the year of
2022. Change preposition
apply
Therefore
, elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
shows
both negative impacts on Correct subject-verb agreement
show
society
and individuals. Personally, I strongly believe that cons
of getting older are much more than Correct article usage
the cons
pros
of elderly Correct article usage
the pros
live
in modern Wrong verb form
living
society
.
In conclusion, elderly
is much Correct article usage
the elderly
more
easier to live Change the word
apply
in
Change preposition
with in
the
modern Correct article usage
apply
society
. However
, the negative effects of getting old still not
outweigh the Add a missing verb
do not
advantage
of living in Fix the agreement mistake
advantages
modern
world.Add an article
the modern
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task achievement
Try to clarify your opinion more distinctly in the introduction and reiterate it in the conclusion for a stronger argumentative stance.
task achievement
Work on making your examples more specific and directly related to the points you're discussing. This will enhance the clarity and relevance of your argument.
coherence & cohesion
Ensure smoother transitions between ideas and paragraphs. Using a variety of linking phrases can help your essay flow more naturally.
coherence & cohesion
Revise your essay to correct grammatical errors and improve sentence structures for clearer expression.
task achievement
You've effectively covered both views of the argument, as required by the prompt.
coherence & cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and set up the structure of your essay well.
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