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Writing Samples
Band 6

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below shows the average daily sales of selected food items at the Brisk Café, by season. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#sales #food #items #café #season #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The given bar graph provides data on the average daily
sales
Use synonyms
 of different five
Use synonyms
food
Fix the agreement mistake
foods
show examples
, namely hot
coffee
Use synonyms
, iced
coffee
Use synonyms
, ice cream,
soup
Use synonyms
 and
salad
Use synonyms
 at the Birsk cafe by
winter
Use synonyms
 and
summer
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 hot
coffe
Correct your spelling
coffee
 is the most popular
food
Use synonyms
 in
winter
Use synonyms
. It is
also
Linking Words
 worth pointing out that
Use synonyms
salad
Fix the agreement mistake
salads
show examples
 show the same number of
serving
Replace the word
servings
show examples
 in both seasons. Looking at the graph in more detail, hot
coffee
Use synonyms
 is the most popular
food
Use synonyms
 at over 70 numbers of
serving
Replace the word
servings
show examples
 in
winter
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
 the hot
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
summer
Use synonyms
showed
Verb problem
was
show examples
 less popular than
Use synonyms
winter
Change preposition
in winter
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
, it experienced 30 servings. The second
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
food
Use synonyms
 in
winter
Use synonyms
 is
soup
Use synonyms
, it showed half in average daily
sales
Use synonyms
. The figure for
soup
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
summer
Add a verb
summer is
summer was
show examples
also
Linking Words
 less popular than in
winter
Use synonyms
 by around 20
serving
Replace the word
servings
show examples
 from 50 to roughly 22. As can
see
Wrong verb form
be seen
show examples
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 graph, Iced
coffee
Use synonyms
was
Verb problem
had
show examples
a
Change the article
the
show examples
 best
sales
Use synonyms
 in
summer
Use synonyms
 at 40 servings, followed by ice cream, hot
coffee
Use synonyms
,
soup
Use synonyms
 and
salad
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 in
winter
Use synonyms
, Iced
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the least popular
food
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
salad
Use synonyms
 showed the same servings,
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
regardless of the seasons.
Submitted by kimjy3329 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, however".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, food, coffee, soup, salad, winter, summer with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Average daily sales
  • Selected food items
  • Seasonal variation
  • Trends
  • Fluctuations
  • Comparison
  • Preferences
  • Anomalies
  • Promotions
  • Stock adjustment
  • Seasonal influence
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