Many people say that universities should only be offered to young students with high marks,others say that they should accept people of all ages,even if they did not do well.Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Whilst many
people
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think that only young talented students can attend universities, I believe that
people
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of all ages and talents should have
this
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opportunity to go to university to
study
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. On the one hand, a
student
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who attends a major in university is a burden to the
government
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, and the
government
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should spend some considerable money on any
student
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. So, governments, which have limited resources, should invest money in a profitable
student
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. with some rational thinking, you can say a young
student
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with high marks are potentially good choice for their authority and only they should be in an educational institution.
For instance
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,
last
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year our
government
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put a huge budget for universities to train future professionals, so, that investment should be back to them in the future with some profit
that is
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advanced in any aspects of knowledge in our country.
However
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, every individual should have the chance to reach their potential and personal growth,
therefore
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, nobody does not have the right to prevent others from their rights. The right to
study
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freely is one of the main rights of humans, but if the
government
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choose only young
people
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to
study
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, they take others' rights. In my opinion, by giving
this
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opportunity to everyone, governments can invest better for the future because maybe some older
people
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have more talent than younger ones.
For example
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, in our country, the
government
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have started teaching old
people
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in the
last
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decades and it brings some light to our community. In conclusion, despite the fact that allowing every individual to
study
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at university our education system may cost more money, it gives everyone particularly old
people
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a new chance to start again and gain knowledge.
Submitted by mehdikarimi0811 on

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Introduction enhancement
Try to begin your essay with a more engaging introduction, perhaps by including a general statement about the importance of education before introducing the debate.
Coherence improvement
To improve coherence, ensure your paragraphs flow logically from one to the other. Using linking words effectively can help create a smoother transition between paragraphs.
Balancing discussion and opinion
In terms of task achievement, make sure to discuss both views equally and thoroughly before giving your own opinion. Your own opinion should be clearly differentiated and supported with reasons.
Vocabulary and sentence complexity
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance your writing style and make your argument more compelling.
Task understanding
Your essay addresses the prompt with a clear stance, showing good understanding of the task.
Use of examples
You provided examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Effective conclusion
The concluding paragraph effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your viewpoint.
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