IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Write an email to the mall manager in about 150-200 words. Your email should do the following things:• Describe the problem you are having with the mall's parking * Explain what you and your family have to do in order to visit the shopping mall now. * Provide some suggestions for how the mall manager can solve this problem.

#email #mall #manager #visit #suggestions
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Dear Manager, I am writing to inform you that my family and I visited the Micmac shopping
center
Change the spelling
centre
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 shopping mall
last
 week
at
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on
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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bay street, and it took us forty minutes to find a parking spot.so we decided to park near
playground
Correct article usage
the playground
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 around 20 mins walk from the shopping
center
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centre
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.
Furthermore
, I have seen many people doing the same thing, and if it continues, they might shop at different malls considering myself. As a loyal customer who has been visiting there every week,it would be great if Mic Mac Mallmall centre could take action to the below suggestion:
To begin
 with,there is free space in the underground of the mall. I recommend you renovate underneath the mall because it would increase the parking place for the customers.
Secondly
, collaboration with
nearby
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a nearby
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 parking lot would be perfect because the bay used to provide
a
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apply
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parking free discounts three years ago
while
 the parking lot was under construction.
finally
,the shuttle bus on weekends provides more flexibility for my family members too.
finally
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Finally
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,we would like to take the bus around the city in our free time and go to a
near
Correct word choice
nearby
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 restaurant in front of the bus stop. Thanks, Alma ISLAM
Submitted by Alma Islam on

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Structure
Consider organizing your paragraphs more clearly to separate the description of the problem, the impact it has on your visits, and your suggested solutions for easier understanding.
Language variety
Try to vary your sentence structures and include a wider range of vocabulary to enhance your writing.
Grammar & Spelling
Review your email for minor spelling mistakes and punctuation errors, such as 'Micmac shopping center shopping mall' should be 'Micmac Shopping Center Mall', and 'Mic Mac Mallmall centre' should probably be 'Mic Mac Mall Shopping Center'. These revisions will improve the clarity and professionalism of your message.
Task Achievement
You did well in addressing all parts of the task, providing a clear description of the problem, its impact on your shopping experience, and suggesting viable solutions.
Content Relevance
Your suggestions for improvement (underground parking, collaboration with nearby parking lots, and a shuttle bus) are constructive and demonstrate your ability to think of practical solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • frequent visitors
  • battling to find parking
  • peak hours
  • considerable distances
  • inconvenient
  • expanding the parking lot
  • parking structure
  • efficient parking guidance system
  • shuttle services
  • enhance the convenience
  • shopping experience
  • attract more visitors
What to do next:
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