IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some parts of the world people are becoming more focused on connecting with older people and researching their history. Why do you think people want to do this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#parts #world #people #history #development
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It is evident that, these days most
people
Use synonyms
 pay attention to
spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 time with older
people
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 and
Add a missing verb
are interest
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interest
Replace the word
interested
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 in their past. I think that individuals try to benefit from the seniors’
history
Use synonyms
 and apply their experiences to their own
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 which is positive and useful for my personal view.
People
Use synonyms
 face with variety of difficulties throughout their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
, and want to be ready for these troubles, which is why they research their elders’
history
Use synonyms
. The second factor that causes
individuals’
Change noun form
individuals
show examples
this
Linking Words
 kind of investigation is finding out their hidden abilities.
While
Linking Words
 searching
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 grandparents and older generation than grandparents,
people
Use synonyms
 can discover their covered skills. It seems to me that delving into older peoples’ past and benefiting from it is
positive
Add an article
a positive
show examples
 development because as I previously said, a person who researches senior
peoples
Change noun form
people's
show examples
history
Use synonyms
 can achieve some development with experiences that he or she gained or uncover his or her secret ability.
For example
Linking Words
, a man can apply his grandfather’s old method to his work or a girl can find out her ability to sing with the help of her grandmother.
To sum up
Linking Words
, researching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older peoples’
history
Use synonyms
 is a positive act and it can help us all to live better.
Submitted by quluzadenurlan107 on

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task achievement
To improve task response, focus on digging deeper into the reasons behind the trend and considering both sides of the argument to show a more balanced view. Though your essay leans towards explaining why the trend is positive, a brief acknowledgment of potential negatives before concluding would enhance your answer.
task achievement
Expanding on your examples with more details will strengthen your argument. Specific stories or historical examples of how learning from elders has directly influenced individual decisions or skills would add depth to your explanations.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, consider varying your sentence structures more dynamically to improve the flow of the essay. While your logical structuring is sound, richer sentence variation could enhance readability and engagement.
coherence cohesion
To tie your main points more closely to your thesis, make sure each paragraph explicitly refers back to the question at hand. This will strengthen the cohesion of your essay.
task achievement
Clearly articulated viewpoint on the topic, asserting the positive aspects of connecting with older generations.
coherence cohesion
Use of coherent paragraphs and a logical structure that guides the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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