IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some employers want their employees to be contactable for work purposes at all times. Does this attitude have more advantages than disadvantages?

#employers #employees #contactable #work #purposes #times #attitude
There are requests for the availability of workers during different hours of the day by employers.
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 there are manifold benefits involved in
this
trend
 the drawbacks are by no means negligible. I assert the disadvantages of
this
trend
 outweigh the advantages. On the plus side, the advantages of having
on-call
 employees are countless for a company.
To begin
 with, there's a group of specialists to maintain and monitor services to be up and running at all times. Simply put, if an accident happens at any time, a worker is in charge of resolving the issue to return the system to high availability status. A good illustration is that companies with
on-call
 support centres
are
Verb problem
have
show examples
 gained most customers as being trustworthy at any time.
Moreover
, users may need an assist for an emergency task in the utility sector and an
on-call
 team supports them in minimising damages. The downside,
however
, cannot be ignored. The most important drawback is that employees are required to be available at different hours of their lifetime.
In other words
, they may encounter difficulties related to mental and physical health situations which will be problematic in future. A salient example is that people in
on-call
 positions
are tended
Wrong verb form
tend
show examples
 to face various physical health problems
due to
 their time of work.
Furthermore
,
this
trend
 can have harmful impacts on workers' family lives as they miss important events like wedding anniversaries, birthdays, and Christmas parties. By way of conclusion based on the points discussed above,
this
trend
 can be both problematic and rewarding.
While
 it leads to the best user experience in terms of the availability of services, employees face diverse difficulties in their personal lives and health situations.
Submitted by tahani.nr on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Specific Examples
Try to include more varied and specific examples to strengthen your main points.
Task Response
Maintain a balance in developing both sides of your argument to fully address the essay prompt.
Linking Words
Enhance the connections between your ideas with a variety of linking words for improved cohesion.
Structure
Your essay has a clear structure with a recognizable introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
Balanced Discussion
You effectively presented and elaborated on both advantages and disadvantages, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Use of Examples
Utilizing concrete examples, although needing more depth, helped illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: