In many countries, young people are leaving their homes in rural areas to study or work in cities. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In various
nation
young adults are moving away from their Fix the agreement mistake
nations
home
town
and living in urban areas for higher education and for a better work life. Fix the agreement mistake
towns
Although
,
Remove the comma
apply
this
may harm a person
in short
term, it Correct article usage
the short
allow
to Change the verb form
allows
create
Replace the word
creation
new
Change preposition
of new
opportunities
and i
believe that Change the capitalization
I
this
advantage far outweighs any potential disadvantages.
Firstly
, moving away from family carry Correct your spelling
a lot
alot
of advantages like it opens Correct your spelling
a lot
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
opportunities
,
Remove the comma
apply
while
being away from home
gives a person
audacity
to take Correct article usage
the audacity
Add an article
a risk
the risk
risk
and remove Fix the agreement mistake
risks
obstecles
like Correct your spelling
obstacles
a
they can leave Remove the article
apply
job
and start a business in which they can create numerous Add an article
the job
a job
opportunities
like higher
source of income, freedom to take holidays and business gives an elite class status Add an article
a higher
the higher
infront
of our relatives, Correct your spelling
in front
neighbors
and loved ones,
Change the spelling
neighbours
In addition
, leaving home
and moving towards urban areas might can
harm a Remove a modal verb
apply
person
for
Change preposition
in
short
term like they do not have to rely on Correct article usage
the short
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
parents
money. Change noun form
parents'
parent's
Likewise
, people have to live without parents which is the most
hardest thing Change the adjective
apply
subsequaintly
, Correct your spelling
subsequently
person
have to be mature and independent like making lunch, Fix the agreement mistake
people
dinner
and cleaning Correct word choice
and dinner
whole
Correct article usage
the whole
home
without any parents
support Change noun form
parent's
parents'
therefore
, many people take Add an article
a loan
loan
to shift Fix the agreement mistake
loans
in
Change preposition
to
new
place, which creates Add an article
a new
the new
an
pressure on a individuals mind that they have to work hard to feed their family and fulfil loan.
In conclusion, Change the article
a
i
believe that moving away from family opens lots of Change the capitalization
I
opportunities
for a person
and it is also
truth
that in Replace the word
true
short
term a Correct article usage
the short
person
can be harm
. Wrong verb form
harmed
This
essay has examine
Change the verb form
examined
that
advantages Correct determiner usage
the
are outweigh
than disadvantages.Change the verb form
outweigh
Submitted by tushalk329
on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structure more to avoid repetition and to demonstrate a wider range of linguistic skills.
Coherence & Cohesion
Be cautious about typos and grammatical mistakes such as 'alot' which should be 'a lot', and pay attention to using the correct article and preposition usage. These small errors can distract from the quality of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. While you've mentioned benefits and disadvantages of moving to urban areas, including personal or observed examples could enhance your argument's persuasiveness.
Task Achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the prompts, clearly articulating reasons for the migration to cities and evaluating its advantages against disadvantages.
Coherence & Cohesion
You've structured your essay with a logical flow, including an introduction, body paragraphs for both advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion, which enhances its overall coherence.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.