Some people think that older school children should learn a wide range of subjects to acquire more knowledge, while other people believe they should learn a small number of subjects in details. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Few individuals believe that students should learn
variety
of Add an article
a variety
the variety
subjects
to gain more knowledge, on the other
hand
few people Add the comma(s)
hand,
thinks
that undergraduates should acquire Change the verb form
think
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
number
of subjects
with focused
and deeply. Replace the word
focus
This
essay will
Verb problem
apply
intends
to analyse both Change the verb form
intend
view
and explain why Change to a plural noun
views
i
am in Change the capitalization
I
favouring
of Correct your spelling
favour
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
number
of education.
Firstly
, i
believe that learning a limited Change the capitalization
I
number
of courses will make
a student Verb problem
put
underpressure
and Correct your spelling
under pressure
built
more confidence to focus Wrong verb form
build
in
Change preposition
on
few
things Correct article usage
a few
moreover
, while
having a few courses will help students Correct word choice
apply
to
not just prepare for exams but helps them to concentrate and understand Change preposition
apply
whole
concept. Change the article
the whole
Therefore
, having a limited
Correct the article-noun agreement
a limited subject
limited subjects
subjects
will give them time to focus on other physical activities like football, cricket, throwball and
etc, even though it will Correct word choice
apply
also
help them to spent
time with friends, family and neighbours. Wrong verb form
spend
Lastly
, because of less
Change the quantifier
fewer
subjects
their mind will always Add a comma
subjects,
active
and they will be mentally well without any study pressure.
Add a missing verb
be active
In addition
, other believes
that having a variety of Change the verb form
believe
subjects
will helps
them to acknowledge in studies. Wrong verb form
help
However
, wide
range of courses Add an article
a wide
makes
Correct your spelling
takes
an
student away from their personal life like communicating with friendsChange the article
a
,
Remove the comma
apply
or
participating in physical sports and many more. Correct word choice
apply
Furthermore
, these subjects
make an
Correct article usage
apply
student
physically and mentally unstable because they study Fix the agreement mistake
students
an
whole night and even after that some of them don't score well, Change the article
a
in
which few of them Change preposition
apply
take
crucial Correct your spelling
make
decision
and Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
remains
with regret. Correct subject-verb agreement
remain
Subsequently
, while
having a varieties
of Correct the article-noun agreement
variety
subjects
students alway
choose to fluke in Correct your spelling
always
exam
rather Fix the agreement mistake
exams
studying
well or understanding Change preposition
than studying
whole
concept.
In conclusion, every Change the article
the whole
view point
has its own logic. Correct your spelling
viewpoint
Although
, wide of subjects
, and i
strongly believe that no other factor can be more important than Change the capitalization
I
limited
Change the article
a limited
the limited
number
of subjects
.Submitted by tushalk329
on
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Language Accuracy
Make sure to proofread your essay to correct small inaccuracies in spelling or grammar. For example, 'few individuals believe' could be 'some individuals believe,' and 'underpressure' should be 'under pressure.'
Argument Development
Develop your arguments with more specific examples. This strengthens your essay and provides clearer support for your opinions.
Content Balance
Consider the balance of content between the two views and your own opinion. Ensure that each section is clearly developed before presenting your conclusion.
Task Response
You have presented a clear opinion and discussed both views effectively, showing good task achievement.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical structure of your essay aids in understanding, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Great work on coherence!
Cohesive Linking
Using transition words effectively helps in creating a cohesive argument. Keep using them to connect ideas smoothly.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.