Some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters( such as food,clothes and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Some
parents
perspectieve
Correct your spelling
perspective
that accepting
children
to make their own
decisions
on everyday matters
likely
Add a missing verb
is likely
show examples
to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes.Other people believe that it is essential for
children
to make their own
choices
about matters that affect them.I will discuss some of the reasons.
To begin
with,In
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
few years,teenagers consider that they make their own
choices
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
do not
not
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
like asking their
parents
Change noun form
parent's
parents'
show examples
perspective because they think that do not need someone’s opinion,they are becoming independent.To give just one example,social media is developing day by day almost all
children
have their own social media
account
Fix the agreement mistake
accounts
show examples
they follow famous people and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
imitate famous people
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is why
children
think
Verb problem
apply
show examples
do not need
parents’
Correct pronoun usage
their parents’
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
. Turning to the other side,
parents
should control their
children
’s
decisions
. If
parents
do not focus on their kids,they tend to make wrong
choices
.
Parents
should talk and understand their
children
’s
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
.If
parents
scold their
children
when they do wrong things.They do not talk too much.
That is
why
parents
should understand their
children
,respect their
decisions
and allowing make their own
choices
on everyday matters. All things considered,teenagers should make
decisions
and it is
normal
Add an article
a normal
show examples
thing.
However
, sometimes they should
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
their
parents
’ advice. If they hear their
parents
’ advice,it might be really helpful when kids make
choices
.
Submitted by buyabuya201 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction clarity
Try to present a clear introduction that clearly states the essay’s purpose and your standpoint on the issue. This helps in setting the right context for your argument.
Paragraph organization
Organize your essay with clear paragraphs, each focusing on a particular point. This includes having a balanced discussion on both views before presenting your opinion.
Use of linking words
Use linking words effectively to improve the flow of your essay. Examples include 'Furthermore,' 'However,' 'In addition,' which help in connecting ideas seamlessly.
Conclusion clarity
Clarify your standpoint in the conclusion, summarizing the arguments discussed and reiterating your own perspective. It’s important that the conclusion ties everything together.
Use of examples
Provide more detailed examples to support your arguments. Specific and relevant examples make your essay more convincing and engaging.
Engagement with topic
You have engaged with the topic directly and attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, which is good practice.
Balance in discussion
You made an effort to cover different perspectives, which is essential for a balanced discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Autonomy
  • Consequence-awareness
  • Self-centered
  • Informal decision-making education
  • Child development
  • Age-appropriate choices
  • Cognitive growth
  • Fostering independence
  • Parental guidance
  • Societal norms
  • Interpersonal consideration
  • Balance of freedom
  • Individualism versus collectivism
  • Experience-based learning
What to do next:
Look at other essays: