People can live and work anywhere they want to choose, because of improved communication technology and transport. Do the advantages of this development outweigh disadvantages?
It has been observed that the advance of communication technology and transport gave
people
more options to choose where they live and work. Despite the numerous debates surrounding this
topic, my stance on this
issue is that the merits of this
matter surpass its possible drawbacks.
The advantages of making people
choose where they live are undeniable and manifold. The first benefit is that it allows people
who live in impoverished areas
to move to urban areas
to improve their income level, which stimulates the economy to develop. We may also
motivated to challenge the existing housing issue, and even generate breakthrough innovation in the economy. It’s undeniable that people
moving the optional places is a commendable behavior
that can generate positive outcomes for both individuals and society. Change the spelling
behaviour
This
behavior
manifests social responsibility and Change the spelling
behaviour
humanitarian
spirit. It can contribute to the resolution of social challenges and the amelioration of economic issues, thereby augmenting national competitiveness.
- [ ] There is a disadvantage in that Correct article usage
a humanitarian
people
moving to urban areas
may exert an unexpected shortage of manpower resources, especially in rural regions where young people
don’t want to stay. This
may cause strain on public finances, which could affect on
agriculture development. A viable strategy is to increase the treatment of farmers and allocate more funds to the construction and renovation of public housing sectors. By doing so, rural Change preposition
apply
areas
can attract more young people
to stay.
- [ ] In conclusion, I believe that the benefits of allowing people
to choose where they live and work largely surpass the drawbacks, as it possesses remarkable merits and demerits are manageable.Submitted by cathyielts22 on
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task achievement
To further improve, ensure that every idea is fully explained and supported with specific examples. For instance, provide concrete instances of how improved communication technology directly affects people's ability to live and work anywhere. Additionally, make sure to clearly explain the potential drawbacks and their effects comprehensively.
coherence cohesion
While the logical flow of the essay is generally good, avoid repetition and ensure that each paragraph is focusing on a single main idea. The essay could benefit from more seamless transitions between ideas to maintain a cohesive argument. Also, the use of subpoints in the second body paragraph could be avoided for better readability.
task achievement
Work on grammar and sentence structure to ensure clarity and precision. Some sentences are a bit awkward and could be rephrased for better readability. Additionally, be mindful of small errors such as using “motivated” where “be motivated” is more appropriate.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
task achievement
The main points are clearly laid out and consistently supported, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments and reinforces the writer's stance.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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