Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required. Discuss both the views and give your opinion.
There are widely differing views on the issue that the best way of improving
health
is by increasing the number of sports
facilities, while
others think that sports
is not enough for the improved health
in the society. I personally believe that just sports
cannot improve the health
of people
and other aspects of the
Correct article usage
apply
people
's life
should be taken into account, too. There are two Fix the agreement mistake
lives
principle
reasons for Correct your spelling
principal
this
.
One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that along with
improved sports
facilities healthy eating should also
be more accessible for people
. What I mean by this
is that sport is not enough for people
in order to be completely healthy, the food that they eat also
, matters a lot.
Adding further
credibility to the statement brings to an idea of the fact that emotional health
is very important for person's
well-being, too. Because if a person is not psychologically healthy he or she will not be able to feel better psychically, too. Correct article usage
a person's
And
Correct word choice
This
this
means that emotional support should also
be more accessible for people
in order for them to flourish both emotionally and physically.
Turning to the other side of the argument just doing sport can also
improve the overall
well-being in
Change preposition
of
the
society. What I mean by Correct article usage
apply
this
is that improving sports
facilities will improve the health
of people
a lot, too. At least they will a
little bit better.
To put Add a missing verb
be a
in
a nutshell, all the aforementioned reasons lead us to the fact that just sport will not be able to improve the Correct pronoun usage
it in
health
of people
drastically. And due to
this
reason
their emotional well-being should Add a comma
reason,
also
be taken into consideration.Submitted by intiqam.hasanov on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a well-balanced view of both sides of the argument and clearly states your opinion, contributing positively to the completeness of the response. To further enhance your task achievement, consider expanding your discussion with more specific examples and evidence to support your views.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of your essay and the clarity with which you introduce and conclude your ideas contribute positively to your score. However, to improve coherence and cohesion, you may consider varying your sentence structures and making more deliberate use of connective words and phrases to guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
task achievement
The essay successfully discusses both views on the importance of sports facilities for public health and makes a clear personal stance, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
You've shown an ability to structure your essay logically, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that support different aspects of the argument, and a concise conclusion. This structure aids the reader in following your line of reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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