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Band 3

Estimated percentage of car trips by purpose of gender of drivers, 2005

#percentage #car #trips #purpose #gender #drivers
The
given
Verb problem
apply
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bar chart depicts the estimated number of
car
 trips by purpose and sex of drivers in 2005 shown in percentage.
Overall
, going to work by
car
 was the highest
presentage
Correct your spelling
percentage
 of all,
while
 others including
car
 travels to go shopping, go to courses, have a recreation, run errands, visit
town
Add an article
the town
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as well as
 friends and go the bank are on the reverse. Looking into more detail, it can be viewed that women
went
Correct pronoun usage
who went
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 to work by
cars
Fix the agreement mistake
car
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were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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accounted for approximately 50%,
while
 men
were amounted
Change to the active voice
amounted
have amounted
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 to just under 40%.
Furthermore
, the quantity of
car
travels
Fix the agreement mistake
travel
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 by women going shopping witnessed a lower percentage compared to the previous trend which was just above 15%; it has a slight
different
Replace the word
difference
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 with women went to courses which was just above 10%.
Nevertheless
, they are still the three highest percentage of all.
Following
this
, some other noticeable differences were shown in
car
 trips by activities namely recreation, visiting friends, running errands, going to the bank, and visiting friends. They saw a huge difference with
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 which were at under 10%.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Structure & Connection
Try to ensure a clear and logical flow in your essay by improving the structure of paragraphs and using linking phrases to better connect ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
Include a brief conclusion to sum up your analysis, reinforcing your overall observations and providing a rounded end to your essay.
Specific Examples & Data
Detailing specific examples and data from the graph can enrich your analysis, helping you to achieve higher scores for task achievement.
General Overview
You effectively described the general trends of the chart, providing a good overview at the beginning.
Comparative Analysis
You made a good effort to compare and contrast data points, especially between genders, which is crucial for analysing graphs and charts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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