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Band 4.5

Nowadays many people now have the freedom to work an live anywhere because of advances in communication technology and transportation. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #freedom #work #live #advances #communication #technology #transportation
Currently, there are a lot of
people
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 can work from
everywhere
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anywhere
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 because of developments in communication networks, new
innovation
Fix the agreement mistake
innovations
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, infrastructure and transport systems. Despite the fact that working from
everywhere
Correct your spelling
anywhere
show examples
 will be an obstacle sometimes, I believe that it will relate
with
Change preposition
to
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 the worker’s lifestyle and better quality of life. On the one hand,Working from different locations is an obstacle to communication between colleagues.
This
 is because they cannot immediately walk to ask about jobs and sometimes, they live in different countries, their time is different too.
For example
, some colleagues live in Asia
while
 others live in Europe.
Moreover
, working from around the world is easily misunderstood.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that it can create
misconception
Fix the agreement mistake
misconceptions
show examples
.
For instance
, when they discuss in a meeting. Sometimes it leads to conflicts when they cannot see each other.
On the other hand
, modern technology fastly supports working from everywhere and it creates convenience for living.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that it is very flexible, many
people
 can manage their life and activity.
For example
, when they live in the countryside, they can easily work or find something that they want from anywhere.
In addition
, many
people
 come back to their
hometown
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hometowns
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 because accessibility to high-tech innovation in the present is easier than in the past.
For instance
, young
people
 will live with their
family
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families
show examples
 in rural areas
while
 they can make a stable income to take care of their relatives. In conclusion, I agree with
this
 question because there are more benefits than drawbacks for all the reasons I have mentioned above.
Submitted by name79sinlapa on

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Task Achievement
Your introduction could be clearer and more concise. Specifically state if you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages without ambiguity.
Coherence & Cohesion
Implement transitional phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs, this will enhance coherence throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
Add more specific examples and evidences to support your arguments. This strengthens your main points and adds depth to your essay.
Task Achievement
You have effectively addressed both sides of the argument, demonstrating a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Nice effort in creating an overarching conclusion that encapsulates your stance on the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of topic-specific vocabulary that is relevant to the discussion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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