some people feel that entertainers are paid too much money. Do you agree or disagree? which other types of job should be highly paid?

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The entertainment
Correct article usage
Entertainment

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has been the top priority of
majority
Add an article
the majority

The noun phrase majority seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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of
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

stressful world. So, entertainers like comedians and singers are
getting
Verb problem
apply

There may be a verb use issue here.

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earning more money than other professionals like doctors,
nurses
Correct word choice
and nurses

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. I completely agree with the notion that these
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

who are from the field of entertainment are earning much more than
previous
Add an article
the previous

The noun phrase previous decade seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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decade. To start with,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are living stressful lives these days
due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

high inflation
rate
Fix the agreement mistake
rates

It seems that rate may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, high rents and lots of pressure from work.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority

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of them do not have enough time or money to visit other places which leaves them with options like watching vlogs, short movies or listening to music on television as
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is more cheaper and affordable.
This
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

is
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons

It seems that reason may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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these
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

from
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

specific industry are in demand.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are earning thousands of US dollars
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

just making daily life vlogs because
community
Correct article usage
the community

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finds them entertaining.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, there is a portion of society which works really hard so that they have all the necessities of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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life.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, teachers and nurses are two of the professions that are working more than 10 hours and making a difference in
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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society but are still struggling to even pay the
rents
Fix the agreement mistake
rent

It seems that rents may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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and other daily expenses.
According to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

my perception, these medical and teaching professions are
under rated
Correct your spelling
underrated

The word under rated seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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and get so much less money as compared to the effort they put
in
Change preposition
into

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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improving the lives of the citizens of the country. The gist of the matter is that some
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are earning more by just putting
some
Change preposition
in some

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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efforts
Fix the agreement mistake
effort

It seems that efforts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

there are those professions that are working so hard and even living a miserable life where they can not even afford a holiday in a year. So, the payment
done
Unnecessary verb
apply

The verb done appears to be unnecessary here.

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should be
according to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the effort and hard work of the
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance it, consider varying your sentence structures and using more sophisticated connectives to show the relationships between ideas more clearly.
task achievement
You've addressed the topic well by providing your opinion and discussing its reasons. For an even better score, ensure every paragraph clearly supports your main point. Also, try incorporating more specific examples and evidence to back up your claims.
task response
The essay presents a clear stance throughout, effectively maintaining focus on the topic.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully used paragraphs to organize your ideas logically, which aids in making your argument clear and persuasive.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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