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Writing Samples
Band 6

the charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unheaalthy if eaten too much

the charts below show the average percentage in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unheaalthy if eaten too much
#show #percentage #meals #three #nutrients #unheaalthy
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The
pie
Use synonyms
 chart below illustrates the medium percentage in ordinary meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may have
bad
Add an article
a bad
show examples
 effect on your
helath
Correct your spelling
health
 if you eat too much.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are 3 similar
pie
Use synonyms
 charts that have different
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of data. The
first,
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
second,
Linking Words
and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
third
pie
Use synonyms
 charts show how
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
Use synonyms
sodium
Change to a plural noun
sodiums
show examples
, saturated fat, and
sugar
Use synonyms
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
, and
snacks
Use synonyms
. The
sodium
Use synonyms
 and the saturated were consumed more during the
dinner
Use synonyms
. The
sugar
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 consumed more
while
Linking Words
 consuming the
snacks
Use synonyms
. There
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 43% of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
dinner
Use synonyms
. That
Use synonyms
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 shows the highest percentage comparing other
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
thus
Linking Words
snacks
Use synonyms
(14%),
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
 (14%), and
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
lunch (29%). There are same amount of
sodium
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 42%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
snacks
Use synonyms
, 23% in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
, 19% in lunch, and only 16%
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
sugar
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct article usage
Breakfast
show examples
breakfast
Use synonyms
 consists
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
 lowest
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of saturated fat, exactly 16% in the second
pie
Use synonyms
 chart.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 hand, the highest
percent
Use synonyms
 that consists
37
Change preposition
of 37
show examples
% of saturated fat in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
dinner
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

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Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words pie, percent, sodium, sugar, breakfast, dinner, snacks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
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