IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that keeping pets is good for children, but others think that it is dangerous and unhealthy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #pets #children
Some individuals encourage keeping pets very well for offspring but others believe it is very harmful and unhealthy. In
this
 essay, I will discuss two views of what a band is doing to treasure. On the one hand, nowadays more and more offspring want to keep domestic
animals
.
Such
 as
dogs
, cats, fish or other
animals
 which is why domestic
animals
 never bore them. Keeping pets have a range of benefits.
For instance
, whenever offspring feel alone, domestic
animals
 always help them. Nowadays,
dogs
 are very loyal to people
also
 I have two
dogs
 now and they are very playful and beautiful. I have been keeping them for two or three years.
Therefore
, some folk prefer to give cache to their offspring. The other side of the view is about keeping lovers unhealthy and dangerous. Domestic
animals
 are
also
 harmful things.
Such
 as, nowadays more and more children go to hospital for their health.
Dogs
 and other
animals
 bite children.
Therefore
, more and more people do not buy cache for their offspring.
For example
, I always see a range of raging
dogs
 on the streets. More and more offspring health-damaging in China now. It has been increasing for one or three decades. Special workers are catching them now and special workers sometimes kill them or put them in a cell. In conclusion, In my opinion, keeping treasure is very useful. The community have to inject domestic
animals
. If they are already rejected, they never bite offspring. In
this
 essay, I write all of them.
Submitted by saydusmonovasomiddin94 on

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structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea.
vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to more accurately express your opinions and arguments. Avoid repeating words unnecessarily and try to find synonyms to enhance your language variety.
grammar
Work on your grammar and sentence structure to improve clarity and coherence. Pay attention to verb tenses, subject-verb agreement, and the use of articles.
examples
Ensure your examples are directly relevant and clearly support your arguments. It's beneficial to develop your examples further to demonstrate how they relate to your main points.
opinion
Clarify your position regarding the essay topic in both the introduction and the conclusion to make your personal opinion known to the reader.
balanced discussion
You have attempted to discuss both sides of the argument, which is critical for this type of question.
task relevance
The topic of pets and children is well selected for discussion, showing relevance to the task.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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