IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their major subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to their main subjects. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#university #students #subjects #addition #time #attention
There is no denying the fact that there is nothing better than expanding your knowledge.
While
 it is a commonly held belief that some students want to learn about other
subjects
in addition
 to their major
subjects
. There is
also
 an argument that others believe it is more important to give all their time and focus to their main
subjects
.
This
 essay will analyse
this
 topic from both points of you and express my opinion. On the
one
 hand , learning increases job opportunities.
In other words
 , when someone applies for a job the HR would not only focus on the grades but,
also
 on their general education and, learning about other
subjects
 provides diverse learning.
In addition
, high confidence.
For example
, there are studies in Japan showing, that learning new
subjects
 can improve your knowledge and that can lead to high confidence.
On the other hand
 , focusing on
one
 major equals success. It is
also
 possible to say that putting all your attention on
one
 topic can increase the rate of your success and find the balance between your life and study.
Moreover
 finding free time for yourself.
For instance
, focusing on
one
 subject can give you extra time to do useful things
such
 as finding a new hobby, making new friends, and starting a business things that will help you in the future. In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
 question. On balance,
however
 , I tend to believe that focusing on
one
 major can help in the future more than learning multiple
subjects
Submitted by alaa5942005 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on one main idea. The body paragraphs should be better structured to separate the advantages of learning additional subjects and the benefits of focusing on one major. This will improve the clarity and coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Use a variety of cohesive devices such as conjunctions, and transitional phrases more effectively. This can help in enhancing the overall flow of your essay.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to strengthen your arguments. This will demonstrate the practical application of your points and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
A well-structured introduction clearly outlines the topic and sets up the discussion effectively.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear opinion on the matter.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to discussing the topic.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Well-rounded education
  • Interdisciplinary knowledge
  • Adaptable and versatile
  • Comprehensive education
  • Creativity and innovation
  • Broad skill set
  • Personal development
  • Deep expertise
  • Advanced research
  • Academic performance
  • Foundational knowledge
  • Time management
  • Stress or burnout
  • Resources and quality
  • Diverse abilities
  • Job market
  • Hobbies
  • Satisfaction
What to do next:
Look at other essays: