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Writing Samples
Band 5

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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In the twenty-first century, the
quality
Use synonyms
 of
life
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 that
people
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 have is better than the
life
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 in previous centuries.
This
Linking Words
 writer agrees with
this
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 statement
due to
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 the innovation of technology and the
stability
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 of
finance
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.
Firstly
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, the
quality
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 of
life
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 nowadays is becoming better than in the past because of the development in the field of technology.
Due to
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 technology’s development, these machines can work more effectively and it
also
Linking Words
 increases productivity.
Moreover
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, they can
also
Linking Words
 replace humans in some jobs that require physical health.
However
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, in the past, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots still did not appear,
people
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 had to do a lot of heavy jobs and
this
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 led to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 productivity
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 low.
For instance
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, in Japan,
people
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 use robots in some factories to improve their productivity
instead
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 of hiring humans,
while
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 in the previous centuries, they had to
by
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 themself.
Furthermore
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, the
stability
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 of the
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finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 is
also
Linking Words
 a factor that helps improve the
quality
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 of residence
life
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. These days, there are many developed countries and developing countries,
thus
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,
people
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 can have financial
stability
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 and
also
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can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn lots of money.
Due to
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this
Linking Words
,
people
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 are able to make a living and improve their
quality
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 of
life
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.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, many years ago, every country in the world still did not develop enough, so the finances that
people
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 had were not stable enough for them to improve their
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life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. There are some studies that show that stable
finance
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 plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving the
quality
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 of
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people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
life
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,
such
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 as in the 21st century, their
life
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become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 better than in the past
due to
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 the money that they make. In conclusion, in the twenty-first century,
people
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 have a better
quality
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 of
life
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 than in previous centuries.
This
Linking Words
 is because of the invention and the innovation of technology,
moreover
Linking Words
, the
stability
Use synonyms
 of
finance
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 is
also
Linking Words
 an important factor that helps
Use synonyms
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
life
Use synonyms
 become better.

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coherence cohesion
Try focusing on providing more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Consider integrating a wider range of specific examples and data to support your arguments more robustly.
task achievement
Work on developing your arguments with more depth, offering nuanced perspectives or counterarguments to enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow, smoothly transitioning from one idea to the next.
task achievement
You have clearly responded to the task, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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