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Band 5

People living in the twenty-first century generally have a better quality of life than people who lived in previous centuries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #century #quality #life #centuries
In the twenty-first century, the
quality
 of
life
 that
people
 have is better than the
life
 in previous centuries.
This
 writer agrees with
this
 statement
due to
 the innovation of technology and the
stability
 of
finance
.
Firstly
, the
quality
 of
life
 nowadays is becoming better than in the past because of the development in the field of technology.
Due to
 technology’s development, these machines can work more effectively and it
also
 increases productivity.
Moreover
, they can
also
 replace humans in some jobs that require physical health.
However
, in the past, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
robots still did not appear,
people
 had to do a lot of heavy jobs and
this
 led to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 productivity
become
Wrong verb form
becoming
show examples
 low.
For instance
, in Japan,
people
 use robots in some factories to improve their productivity
instead
 of hiring humans,
while
 in the previous centuries, they had to
by
Correct your spelling
buy
show examples
 themself.
Furthermore
, the
stability
 of the
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
 is
also
 a factor that helps improve the
quality
 of residence
life
. These days, there are many developed countries and developing countries,
thus
,
people
 can have financial
stability
 and
also
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
earn lots of money.
Due to
this
,
people
 are able to make a living and improve their
quality
 of
life
.
Nevertheless
, many years ago, every country in the world still did not develop enough, so the finances that
people
 had were not stable enough for them to improve their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. There are some studies that show that stable
finance
 plays an important role
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 improving the
quality
 of
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
life
,
such
 as in the 21st century, their
life
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
 better than in the past
due to
 the money that they make. In conclusion, in the twenty-first century,
people
 have a better
quality
 of
life
 than in previous centuries.
This
 is because of the invention and the innovation of technology,
moreover
, the
stability
 of
finance
 is
also
 an important factor that helps
people’
Change noun form
people’s
show examples
life
 become better.
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coherence cohesion
Try focusing on providing more varied and complex sentence structures to enhance clarity and readability.
task achievement
Consider integrating a wider range of specific examples and data to support your arguments more robustly.
task achievement
Work on developing your arguments with more depth, offering nuanced perspectives or counterarguments to enrich your essay.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, clearly stating your position.
coherence cohesion
Your essay maintains a logical flow, smoothly transitioning from one idea to the next.
task achievement
You have clearly responded to the task, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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