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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line chart
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the information about the percentage of the
population
Use synonyms
 in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with expected
population
Use synonyms
 for 2030 and 2040.I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 statement in the following paragraphs in detail.
Overall
Linking Words
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 will have
high
Add an article
a high
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 percentage of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 in the year 2040
whereas
Linking Words
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
less in percentage.
Total
Correct article usage
The total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 of
these four
Change the determiner
this four country
these four countries
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country
Use synonyms
 are varied
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of people's
immirigation
Correct your spelling
immigration
 and
mirigation
Correct your spelling
migration
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there are four different countries they are
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,Philippines,Thailand and Indonesia.There will be
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 increase in the
population
Use synonyms
 of
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in the year 2040 which is near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80%
whereas
Linking Words
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
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, Thailand,
Indonesia
Correct word choice
and Indonesia
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 are 50%, 35%,
55
Correct word choice
and 55
show examples
% respectively.In 1970 Indonesia was nearer to 12% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
Use synonyms
 and it has been slightly rising to 55% of its
population
Use synonyms
. Thailand is been
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
raise
Verb problem
apply
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in its
population
Use synonyms
 compared to all
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
Use synonyms
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
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,
whereas
Linking Words
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to 50% of its
popoulation
Correct your spelling
population
 in the year 2040.
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 stands first in increasing the total
population
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 80%. The total
population
Use synonyms
 varies from
country
Use synonyms
 to
country
Use synonyms
 because of people migrants.
Submitted by insighttribez on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, malaysia, country with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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