IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
The line chart
represent
Change the verb form
represents
show examples
 the information about the percentage of the
population
 in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with expected
population
 for 2030 and 2040.I will discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
this
 statement in the following paragraphs in detail.
Overall
,
Malaysia
 will have
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 percentage of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in the year 2040
whereas
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
less in percentage.
Total
Correct article usage
The total
show examples
population
 of
these four
Change the determiner
this four country
these four countries
show examples
country
 are varied
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 of people's
immirigation
Correct your spelling
immigration
 and
mirigation
Correct your spelling
migration
.
Firstly
, there are four different countries they are
Malaysia
,Philippines,Thailand and Indonesia.There will be
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 increase in the
population
 of
Malaysia
 in the year 2040 which is near
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
80%
whereas
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
, Thailand,
Indonesia
Correct word choice
and Indonesia
show examples
 are 50%, 35%,
55
Correct word choice
and 55
show examples
% respectively.In 1970 Indonesia was nearer to 12% of
total
Add an article
the total
show examples
population
 and it has been slightly rising to 55% of its
population
. Thailand is been
least
Correct article usage
the least
show examples
raise
Verb problem
apply
show examples
in its
population
 compared to all
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
country
Change to a plural noun
countries
show examples
,
whereas
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased to 50% of its
popoulation
Correct your spelling
population
 in the year 2040.
Malaysia
 stands first in increasing the total
population
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 80%. The total
population
 varies from
country
 to
country
 because of people migrants.
Submitted by insighttribez on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 71%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words population, malaysia, country with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
What to do next:
Look at other essays: