Many students take part-time jobs whilst studying in a university. Do the advantages outweigh disadvantages?
In today's world, the popularity of working part-time jobs has increased when
students
studuying
. Many Correct your spelling
studying
university
students
want to earn money
and expand their network
. This
essay agrees that working as a part-timer has several advantages for students
.
Firstly
, many students
take part time
jobs because they want to earn their own Add a hyphen
part-time
money
and increase their social network
. For example
, young adults think they are burden
to their parents because of that they start part-time Add an article
a burden
worker
and student spend their earned Replace the word
work
money
. Moreover
, networking is curcial
for Correct your spelling
crucial
university
students
because if they meet people, they can find new oppurtunities
after graduation. Correct your spelling
opportunities
Thus
, expanding network
and earning Fix the agreement mistake
networks
money
are important for young adults.
Secondly
, collages
Correct your spelling
college
students
want to increase their experience
and gaining experience
is one of the most important thing
for finding Change to a plural noun
things
job
after Add an article
a job
gradatuation
. Correct your spelling
graduation
For example
, some engineering students
can find long-term interships
Correct your spelling
internships
on
big companies Change preposition
with
such
as Siemens, Ford, Bosch, etc, and if they find the appropriate job, they will gain experience
and they can find jobs easliy
after Correct your spelling
easily
post graduation
. Add a hyphen
post-graduation
Therefere
, gaining Correct your spelling
Therefore
experience
is essential for university
students
.
In conclusion, students
can take advantage of working as part-timer
. Fix the agreement mistake
part-timers
It is clear that
being a part-timer has several benefits for university
students
such
as earning money
, expanding social
Correct pronoun usage
their social
network
and gainig
Correct your spelling
gaining
experience
, these advantages can play a crucial role on
their Change preposition
in
life
.Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Submitted by atakantemizkan0 on
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Supporting Examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. While the essay mentions examples like engineering students finding internships, more detailed scenarios or data will strengthen your points.
Spelling/Grammar
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'studuying' should be 'studying', 'collages' should be 'college', 'interships' should be 'internships'). These small errors can distract from your overall message.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures to enhance readability and engagement. While your essay has a good flow, more complex or varied sentences could add depth to your writing.
Introduction
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, presenting a clear stance on the topic.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points, reinforcing your argument.
Content Clarity
You've done a good job of outlining the benefits of part-time work for students, making your argument clear and pertinent.
Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic
IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.
Answer structure for the type of essay
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – advantages
- Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- The main advantage is...
- The disadvantage of this...
- The main benefit...
- Despite these advantages...
- One possible drawback...