IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Topic: Children’s education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some of or all the costs. Do the advantages out weight its disadvantages?

#topic #children’s #education #countries #government #costs #weight
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In today's contemporary era, the fee
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 kid's
education
 is too high. In many countries, the states have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to pay all or a big part of the fee.
This
 action might have both advantages and disadvantages
that
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 in
continue
Wrong verb form
continuing
show examples
,
this
 essay will express some of them.
To begin
, paying the cost of
education
 for
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 will demolish illiteracy from society
therefore
, the high cost of
educating
Replace the word
education
show examples
 will cause
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
whole parts
a
Correct your spelling
of
show examples
 society
cannot
Verb problem
to
show examples
 afford it. If governments become
sponser
Correct your spelling
sponsors
 for
people
's
education
 it will have a positive impact on
economy
Add an article
the economy
show examples
 of
people
. To exemplify
this
 statement, a person has 5
children
 and only
father
Correct article usage
the father
show examples
 of
kids
Correct article usage
the kids
show examples
 works if
govrenment
Correct article usage
the govrenment
show examples
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not
assisst
Correct your spelling
assist
 him
to educate
Change preposition
in educating
show examples
 his
children
 that man will fail to educate his
children
. On the darker side, paying
education's
Change noun form
education
show examples
fee
Fix the agreement mistake
fees
show examples
 by states will cause
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
children
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not
pay
Fix the infinitive
to pay
show examples
 enough attention to their study and their
parent
Fix the agreement mistake
parents
show examples
also
 will not
pressurise
Verb problem
pressure
show examples
 them to study. Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 they did not earn that money. To prove
this
 statement, always
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 who
comes
Change the verb form
come
show examples
 from
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
 the try their best to study but
whom
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 come from wealthy families
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will not try
hardly
Rephrase
hard
show examples
. In conclusion,
education
 in most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
countries is not cheap and affordable but in some countries government contribute to
people
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
studying.
This
 action has both pros and cons but
accrording
Correct your spelling
according
 to mentioned reasons in
this
 essay advantages outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
.
Submitted by amotoh10 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Consider diversifying your sentence structures to enhance readability and demonstrate greater language proficiency.
General
Carefully proofread your essay to correct small inaccuracies and typographical errors.
Task Achievement
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to more effectively express your ideas and arguments.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points, making your arguments more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure your paragraphing clearly separates your ideas, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
Task Achievement
You've effectively addressed the task, presenting both sides of the argument before stating your conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively frame your essay.
Task Achievement
You've succeeded in supporting your main points with examples, although more specificity could strengthen your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: