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Band 5.5

Topic: many people work long hours, leaving very little time for leisure activities. Does this situation have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#topic #people #work #hours #time #leisure #activities #situation
In recent years, the world has been full of working
time
. All people tend to always work without thinking about spare
time
 to do many pivotal and useful activities.
This
 essay will argue that full-
time
 working will affect social relationships, physical and mental health, and stress relief. Spending a lot of hours will improve economic conditions, earn some money, and at the weekend, people will get lots of moments of happiness. Full-
time
 jobs, notably for ones who are passionate about the job,
also
 can increase professional skills that are important to find a job in other more developed companies.
Thus
, it can raise the peak of the company's quality.
On the other hand
, working long hours would make the workforce feel exhausted, and the health can be decreased. Leisure
time
 is truly beneficial to keep healthy. Taking over 8 hours per day for working is an abnormal way which could make employee unfocused in doing all stuff in their lives, and probably affect depression.
Instead
 of the health part, it can impact the management space for families and folks. As a final point, having
time
 for other errands or activities is very important for many aspects. As was previously stated, a full-
time
 job will be dangerous and impactful to do important things in life.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

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clarity
To improve clarity and impact, consider introducing your essay with a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the question of whether the situation has more advantages or disadvantages. This will provide a strong foundation for your argument and guide the reader through your analysis.
structure
To enhance coherence, make a clearer distinction between paragraphs by using topic sentences that directly relate to the advantages and disadvantages of working long hours. This helps in maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
content
For a more compelling argument, include specific examples to support your points about the negative and positive aspects of working long hours. Examples add depth to your analysis and make your case more persuasive.
grammar
Consider revising the essay for grammatical accuracy and variety in sentence structure. While minor errors do not significantly detract from the overall message, polishing your language will make your argument more professional and easier to follow.
analysis
You effectively addressed both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the topic's complexity.
conclusion
Your conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points of your argument, providing a clear stance on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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