IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people want governments to spend money looking for life on other planets. Others, however, many think this is a waste of public money when there are so many problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #money #life #planets #waste #earth
While
 some
people
 argue that governments are making a profit
to take
Change preposition
by taking
show examples
 care of
life
 on other
planets
, others believe that it is a waste of public
money
 when the earth has some problems. The various of
money
 need to deal with social problems
such
 as poverty and healthcare.
People
 can have a good quality
life
 who are homeless and
unemployment
Replace the word
unemployed
show examples
.
For instance
, the
government
 need volunteers to support
who
Correct pronoun usage
those who
show examples
 have a poor
life
 and create more jobs for
people
 to work.
In addition
, the governments need to use the
money
 for the places that have problems
of
Change preposition
with
show examples
 nature and impact on
people
 like deforestation and wars. Australia is an example, the animals and some
people
 who live near the forest and the environment
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 destroyed by the fire which
kill
Change the form of the verb
killed
show examples
 a lot of animals
such
 as the koala, kangaroo and many houses
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 burned.
Therefore
,
people
's lives should be supported by the
government
. The
government
 is using
money
 on space research. In
life
, there are many things that are very mysterious
such
 as the solar system. In the modern era, because of technological development, they need to discover many
planets
 in space to help
people
 understand and gain knowledge of the solar system.
For instance
, the survival of many
planets
 has been found by NASA. The organization are established to identify the change of many
planets
 to cope with the climate of
earth
Capitalize word
Earth
show examples
.
As a result
, the
government
 is using
money
 to explore the universe. In conclusion, investing
money
 in social
life
 will
being
Correct your spelling
bring
show examples
 a lot of
benefit
Fix the agreement mistake
benefits
show examples
 for
people
 living on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Earth
instead
 of exploring space.
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Structure
Ensure your essay is well-structured, with clear paragraphs for each main idea. Your essay should begin with an introduction, followed by body paragraphs that each focus on a specific point, and end with a clear conclusion.
Coherence
Try to use a variety of connective phrases to link your ideas more smoothly and improve the flow of your essay.
Examples
Be sure to fully develop your arguments with detailed examples and explanations. This helps to achieve a higher level of task response by demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Accuracy
Review your essay for grammatical accuracy and aim to use a range of sentence structures and vocabulary. This will help improve the essay’s readability and impact.
Balance
You have effectively addressed both views on the topic, presenting a balanced discussion before giving your own opinion.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your discussion, clearly stating your own viewpoint.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unprecedented opportunities
  • extraterrestrial
  • satisfy human curiosity
  • practical benefits
  • inspiring goal
  • testament to human ambition
  • pursuit of knowledge
  • critics argue
  • imprudent
  • plague Earth
  • immediate attention
  • allocated for
  • environmental conservation
  • well-being
  • quality of life
  • balanced approach
  • advancements
  • benefits for humanity
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