IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Social media has replaced the traditional methods of communication, and people use more and more social media to communicate, and to follow news and events. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

#media #methods #communication #people #news #events
Social news
such
 as Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter are tools used to communicate with communities of different cultures, races and ethnicities across the globe. In
this
 modern world, society especially teenagers and young adults have found social
media
 very useful as it helps to learn new things academically or socially
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and communicate with their peers without having to leave the comfort of their homes. Social
media
 has
also
 helped to communicate effortlessly with
people
 living in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
different parts of the continent as has replaced face-to-face interaction.
This
 development has been found to be beneficial as it allows information to spread easily and quicker;
for instance
, the United Kingdom government used social
media
such
 as Facebook and Twitter to inform its citizens to remain in their houses during a lockdown during the pandemic.
However
, it has been found that teenagers are radicalised through social
media
 without the knowledge of their parents which is detrimental to the life of
such
 a child.
Consequently
, social
media
 has affected the communication style of
people
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 they can not communicate effectively with other members of society. Another disadvantage of social
media
 is the approval of bullying, social sites have given room for bullies to reach anyone and on the
media
 sites to bully, threaten and abuse
people
while
 in the comfort of their homes.
while
 social
media
 is indeed beneficial to
people
 and the community, it is
also
 detrimental to the community
Submitted by olaryinkar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

structure
Ensure a clear and distinct introduction, body, and conclusion structure. Your essay has these elements, but clearer distinctions and smoother transitions could enhance readability.
linking
Use a variety of linking words to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help in making the argument more coherent and cohesive.
content
Ensure a balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages to fully address the essay prompt. Aim for a more integrated comparison to deeply explore the implications of social media usage.
support
Avoid generalized statements by providing specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your argument and provide a solid foundation for your points.
balance
Addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of social media, reflecting an understanding of the essay topic.
examples
Includes relevant examples, such as the use of social media during lockdowns, which support your points effectively.
focus
Your writing is coherent, with each paragraph focused on a specific point related to the impact of social media.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: