IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, men and women are working full-time. It is therefore logical for women and men to share household tasks. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

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Today, in the modern era, people can participate equally in job markets, which is a sign of the absence of gender discrimination.
Moreover
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,
women
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 are likely to have jobs in order to support their financial aspects. Because of
this
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, some people argue that wives and husbands are allowed to share household
tasks
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the extent to which I agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, in certain areas, people still hold onto the perspective which sets females's positions as not equal to males's positions in a household. Unlike
men
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,
women
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 are more responsible for serving their spouses and children, regardless of their roles in workplaces.
In addition
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, in fact, female workers have two main jobs
in particular
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, either housewives or certain positions in workplaces. For illustration, in Madura, an island in Indonesia, the majority of
women
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 are jobless.
However
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, they have responsibility for doing the chores or taking care of their children and husbands.
On the contrary
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, the idea of gender equality has emerged, allowing
women
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 to have equal opportunities as
men
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. Education plays an essential role in order to achieve
this
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 idea.
Women
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 are now aware of the importance of pursuing education.
Therefore
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, they attain
further
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 education to achieve self-satisfaction in their lives.
Moreover
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, they find open-minded partners who want to share home
tasks
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 with each other. As an example, postgraduate spouses organised their assignments and responsibilities once they arrived at their houses. They do not mind sharing household
tasks
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 with each other. All things considered,
women
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 and
men
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 should share home assignments. Female workers can help their partners financially, which is actually not their responsibility. To compensate for
this
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,
men
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 should participate in home
tasks
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 as well.
Further
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,
this
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 will not only give emotional support but
also
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 strengthen their bonds as spouses.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure consistency in your argument. In the first paragraph, it's mentioned that women are jobless in Madura, which contrasts with the idea of them working full-time and sharing household tasks.
task achievement
Provide examples that directly support the main points of your argument to strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Clarify the relevance of some examples and ensure they are tightly linked to your argument for coherence.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a strong introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You presented different perspectives on gender roles in household tasks.
task achievement
The essay discusses the importance of gender equality and education in modern society.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender Equality
  • Household responsibilities
  • Work-life balance
  • Traditional gender roles
  • Modern perspectives
  • Societal norms
  • Financial stability
  • Emotional support
  • Time management
  • Efficiency
  • Evolving roles
  • Shared duties
  • Partnership
  • Stress reduction
  • Leisure activities
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