IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In the past, people stored knowledge in books. Nowadays people store knowledge on the internet. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #books #store #internet
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In ancient times,
books
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contains
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contained
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 all the knowledge that people
need
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needed
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, But these days all the knowledgeable
information
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 is stored on
Use synonyms
Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
books
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 are easy to carry, I believe that there is a fear of losing them.
Therefore
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 the advantages of online texts outweigh the drawbacks.
To begin
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, it is a common tradition to note
information
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 in
books
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. but the main problem with
these
Correct determiner usage
this
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 set of papers are worry of losing. It is hard to
perserve
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preserve
books
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 for
longer
Correct article usage
a longer
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
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becasue
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because
books
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 are made of
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a pile
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pile
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piles
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 of
papers
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paper
show examples
 which cannot resist
from
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apply
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water and fire.
For instance
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, many ancient
books
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 like Artha
sasthra
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Sasthra
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 and
vedas
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Vedas
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 are now
no where
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nowhere
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 seen because these
books
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 are burnt in fire accidents and some are damaged by insects. I believe that it is tough to protect
information
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 which
are
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is
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 stored
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
papers
Fix the agreement mistake
paper
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the advancements in technology made
Correct pronoun usage
it eassier
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eassier
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easier
 to access
informartion
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information
 via
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Add an article
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
. One of the most
Correct word choice
beneficial benifits
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benifits
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benefits
benefit
 of online notebooks
are
Verb problem
is that there is
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 no need
of carrying
Change preposition
to carry
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 all the heavy stuff. We can store tons of bookish knowledge on
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
 without using pen and paper. To exemplify, there are many
books
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 that are available on
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internet
Add an article
the internet
show examples
, where thousands of people can get access once at the same time. There is no fear of losing the
information
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 because all the content
stored
Add a missing verb
is stored
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 in a cloud database which can never be destroyed.
Therefore
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, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 online textbooks are
best
Change the article
the best
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 way to preserve. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 it might be comfortable to use paper
books
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,
Correct article usage
the internt
show examples
internt
Correct your spelling
Internet
 is the safest platform to get access to plenty of
books
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by eeretimaheshsritej on

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Task Response
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Coherence
Your essay has a logical flow of ideas, which helps in understanding your arguments.
Use of Examples
Inclusion of examples to support your arguments is a good practice.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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