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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The line graph gives information about percentage changes in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality, 1995-1998.

The line graph gives information about percentage changes in total crime arrests for persons under 18 by locality, 1995-1998.
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The line graph illustrates changes in the proportions of committed
crimes
Use synonyms
 by delinquents from 1995 to 1998. Units are measured in percentages.
Overall
Linking Words
, what stands out from the graph is that the percentages of
crimes
Use synonyms
 were observed in all areas. Moving to a detailed analysis, the indicator of
crimes
Use synonyms
 in a rural
area
Use synonyms
 ranked
first,
Linking Words
accounting for approximately 3%,
while
Linking Words
 that of a suburban
area
Use synonyms
 was 2% in 1995. In the following 2 years, a slight decrease was witnessed in committed
crimes
Use synonyms
 in the rural
area
Use synonyms
, at 2%,
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of
crimes
Use synonyms
 in the suburban
area
Use synonyms
 increased before decreasing to -2%. The figure for
crimes
Use synonyms
 in the suburban
area
Use synonyms
 overtook that for the rural
area
Use synonyms
, at 0% and 2% respectively in 1998. Regarding the proportion of
crimes
Use synonyms
 in an urban
area
Use synonyms
, it stood at roughly 0.1% at the beginning of the period. The percentage of
crimes
Use synonyms
 in the urban
area
Use synonyms
 climbed before going down to -5%
at the end
Linking Words
 of the period.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words crimes, area with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stands" was used 2 times.
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