IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Since more people are travelling abroad nowadays, it is necessary for individuals to have a greater awareness of other cultures

#people #individuals #awareness #cultures
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Travelling has become really popular in the
last
 decade. The Low-cost airlines have opened the opportunity to travel abroad and to discover new places for more people. In
this
 essay, I would like to discuss the different issues that
this
 opening of borders may have created. Most of the people travelling to a different country do not do any research about the culture of the country they are planning to visit. When they arrive in the new countries they continue to behave and to do things as they would do in the home, without even realising that they are being extremely disrespectful.
For example
, in Japan, it is socially incorrect to eat on the street. The travelling industry is having a big socio-cultural impact. It is called the cultural clash. Cultural clashes can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, discrimination, and even violence if not addressed properly. Many tourists come from societies with different consumption patterns and lifestyles than the destination, spending large amounts of money or showing their big cameras or smartphones.
This
 can lead to conflicts between the locals and visitors. In summary, travelling is now available to almost everyone.
However
, travellers have to be responsible and respectful of the visiting country and
habitats
Correct pronoun usage
its habitats
show examples
.
In addition
, visitors should read and do some research about the culture and traditions in the countries that they are going to visit, to be completely aware of behaviours that may be different to the ones back home.
Submitted by olatzbaroja on

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Language Use
Although your essay presents a compelling argument, to improve your score, aim to diversify your sentence structures and use a wider range of vocabulary to demonstrate your language proficiency more effectively.
Content Depth
Evidence of research or real-life examples will strengthen your argument, making your points more convincing to the reader. Strive to integrate such examples specifically tied to the countries or cultures mentioned.
Structure
Introduce a wider range of transitional phrases to enhance the flow between paragraphs and within them. This will add to the coherence of your essay, making your argument even more persuasive and structured.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly presented and effectively bookend the essay, providing a strong framework for your discussion.
Task Response
You've successfully addressed the task's requirements by discussing the importance of cultural awareness when travelling, which shows a clear understanding of the topic.
Coherence
Your essay maintains a logical flow, making it easy for readers to follow your argument throughout the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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