The number of people who are overweight is constantly growing, and the only solution is to increase the prices of unhealthy food and drinks. Do you agree or disagree?
It is observed that obesity is found to be rising
up
significantly in Change preposition
apply
the
individuals and to reduce the rate of it , the cost of Correct article usage
apply
the
junk eatables and drinks should be increased. In Correct article usage
apply
this
essay , I will discuss the reason in relation to the above statement.
To commence with, it is true that due to
modernization , nowadays people
prefer to eat their two time
meals from the outside restaurant, As there are lots of offers Add a hyphen
two-time
are
available at the mini restaurants for Unnecessary verb
apply
the
breakfast Correct article usage
apply
such
as veggie burgers, begals
that just cost minimum Correct your spelling
begins
bagels
due to
which person prefer to choose their food
from this
available offers. Addition
to Change preposition
In addition
this
, people
prefer to change their daily routine habits by following the
society mainly the students at Correct article usage
apply
universities
levels love to go out with their friends during their breaks. Fix the agreement mistake
university
Moreover
, they feel that it is really a high standard of living for conusming
fast foods rather Correct your spelling
consuming
then
Replace the word
than
the
healthy eatables. Unfortunately , it Correct article usage
apply
is notice
that Change the verb form
is noticed
their
are Replace the word
there
alot
of Correct your spelling
a lot
adverstising
channels or online sites that Correct your spelling
advertising
also
influence the
Correct article usage
apply
people
to try the
new fast Correct article usage
apply
food
with delicious spices that cause the
taste buds to be active. In relation to Change the word
their
this
, due to
busy
lifestyle of an Correct article usage
the busy
individual
it is Add a comma
individual,
also
observed that people
do not spend most of their time in the kitchen to make home made
healthy Correct your spelling
homemade
food
as they find it more hectic for them to prepare due to
which they visit the nearby convenient fast Change preposition
apply
food
restaurants.
To focus Change preposition
on
over
the solution for Change preposition
on
this
cause will be the rising
Correct your spelling
raising
Change preposition
apply
of
the price Change preposition
apply
Change preposition
of
for
Change preposition
of
Correct article usage
apply
the
fast Correct article usage
apply
food
Correct pronoun usage
apply
that
will really encourage Correct pronoun usage
apply
Correct article usage
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
to spend money by buying the grocery which could be Change preposition
at
in
Change preposition
at
Correct article usage
a
the
cheaper rate Correct article usage
a
Correct your spelling
than
then
Correct your spelling
than
Correct determiner usage
the
this
prepared Correct determiner usage
the
food
that Change the verb form
is
are serve
at different sites for the customers. It will Change the verb form
are served
also
ensure them
Correct pronoun usage
they
to
save money and create Fix the infinitive
apply
desire
to eat fruits and vegetables. Add an article
a desire
the desire
This
will really reduce the craving for the
unhealthy Correct article usage
apply
food
and decrease the rate for
overweight. Change preposition
of
Consequently
, people
at one stage started differentiating the benefits for
Change preposition
of
the
consuming things with the rates which Correct article usage
apply
lead
them to choose the Wrong verb form
led
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
that
is
really cheaper and healthy for their Wrong verb form
were
physically
fitness too.
In Conclusion, fast Change the adverb
physical
food
and drinks are found to be more consumed by the
Correct article usage
apply
people
leading to health issues due to
which increasing their rates can lead to reduce
the Change the verb form
reducing
phsyical
disorders among the population.Correct your spelling
physical
Submitted by gp04101995 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Structure
Consider structuring your essay more clearly with distinct paragraphs for introduction, each body paragraph, and conclusion. This will help in enhancing logical flow and readability.
Examples
Try to develop and expand your main points with more detailed examples and explanations. Specific examples help in strengthening your argument and making your essay more persuasive.
Coherence
Keep an eye on varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance the coherence of your essay. Using a range of linking words and phrases can make your writing more fluent and cohesive.
Accuracy
Work on spelling and grammar to avoid distractions for the reader. Minor errors can be overlooked, but frequent mistakes might hinder the clarity of your message.
Task Response
You presented a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
Examples
You made an effort to use examples to support your points, which is essential for developing your arguments.
Conclusion
The conclusion summarizes the essay effectively, making your position clear to the reader.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!