Around the world, people are now living longer than ever before in the past. Some say an aging population creates problems for governments. Others believe there are benefits to society having more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of possessing an aging population outweigh the disadvantages?

#world #people #say #population #governments #society

in many countries, individuals are experiencing longer lifespans than at any time in history.

Although

some

people

believe older generations can bring benefits to society, other’s perspective is that they create significant challenges for governments. in my opinion, these challenges outweigh any advantages. One of the prominent benefits older

people

bring to society is wisdom and experience. Their deep knowledge, acquired through decades of life experience, offers valuable insight for the younger generation.

For example

, the elderly can serve as a mentor, sharing customs, cultural traditions, and stories from past generations. These all can preserve the cultural heritage of a country.

On the other hand

, an

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population places significant strain on the healthcare system. As

people

get older, they generally require more medical attention and services

due to

the increasing prevalence of some diseases like diabetes and heart attack.

This

leads to a higher demand for medical resources and healthcare professionals.

moreover

, an

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population imposes a financial burden on governments. An

aging

Change the spelling

ageing

show examples

population means more

people

are living longer, leading to an increase in the number of retirees who draw pensions.

As a result

, the more

people

are retired, the more funds the government needs to pay. In conclusion, I take the view that

while

the older generation can maintain customs and other cultural heritage, they have a negative impact not only on the healthcare system but

also

on the financial system of society.

Submitted by TUTOO on Mon May 06 2024

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Task Achievement

Ensure balance in your argument by discussing both sides equally. While you've outlined disadvantages clearly, expanding on the advantages with more depth could strengthen your argument.

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Incorporate a wider range of specific examples to support your points. This adds credibility and depth to your arguments. Mentioning particular studies, statistics, or countries could provide more concrete evidence.

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Work on sentence structure variation and complexity to enhance readability and coherence.

Coherence & Cohesion

Improve your essay by carefully checking for and correcting small inaccuracies in grammar and spelling to maintain the flow of your argument.

Coherence & Cohesion

Your introduction and conclusion effectively summarize your main points and stance on the topic, improving the structure of your essay.

Coherence & Cohesion

You have logically organized your essay, with distinct paragraphs for benefits and challenges, which aids in the reader's comprehension.

Task Achievement

Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic, with coherently expressed arguments and a good balance of views.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

236 words

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In many countries, governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why is this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

Electronic devices play a significant role in improving healthcare and education by providing access to valuable information, facilitating communication, and enhancing learning experiences. Do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

165.Some parents say that children should play individually more than in a group. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this and include your own opinion.