Some people think the government should pay for health care and education, but there is no agreement about whether it is the government’s responsibility. What is your opinion?
One of the highly controversial issues today relates to whether the state should be responsible for people's well-being and educating children or not. In
this
essay, the idea of the first group, which aim
to achieve more success for each Correct subject-verb agreement
aims
society
, and second
perspective, emphasizing inevitable consequences for Correct article usage
the second
community
, will be discussed.
Given the fact that the largest investor in any Add an article
the community
society
is its government
, advocates argue that the government
should invest in education
and medical care. Therefore
, this
investment not only promotes physical and mental health within society
but also
reduces illiteracy rates. For example
, Japan's government
's focus on literacy and healthcare has led to educational and economic advancements in the country. Simply put, the healthier the society
, the more successful it will be.
Opponents, however
, argue that the are
unnecessary Change the verb form
is
that
the state Correct word choice
for
invest
in health care and Fix the infinitive
to invest
education
, the most significant of which is economic depression. Simply put, If the government
spends the money that is
in the treasury on health and education
,
because there is no support for the withdrawal of that money, Remove the comma
apply
the
Correct article usage
apply
society
will suffer economic depression over time. Despite the fact that if that money was used in other areas such
as the restoration of historical monuments and icon building, could attract tourists, boost the economy, and create job opportunities.
In conclusion, while
government
Fix the agreement mistake
governments
prioritrize
the well-being and Correct your spelling
prioritise
education
of their citizens, I would argue that neglecting economic and financial restrictions can have detrimental effects. It may result in the
economic recession, which holds significant Correct article usage
an
long- term
consequences for the nation.Correct your spelling
long-term
Submitted by hongminh317 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to link ideas more smoothly across the essay.
Task Response
Focus on clarity when presenting arguments to enhance readability and ensure your stance is understood from the beginning.
Task Achievement
To strengthen your argument, incorporating more varied and specific examples will enrich your essay and provide a stronger base for your opinions.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, providing a good framework for your essay.
Flow
You've structured the essay in a logical manner that enhances the flow of ideas.
Content Depth
Your discussion covers both sides of the argument, demonstrating a comprehensive understanding of the topic.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?