Some believe colleges should focus on sports as much as they do on studies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people think that colleges pay too much attention to studies and they should focus on doing
sports
as much as they do on other lessons. I do believe that dedicating enough time for
doing Change preposition
to
sports
can bring lots of benefits for pupils.
On the one hand, the most effective result that doing sport
can bring for individuals is physical health
. Putting different sports'
Change noun form
sports
programme
in schools' Fix the agreement mistake
programmes
syllabus
can boost pupils' physical Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
health
, therefore
, they do not suffer from some health
issues such
as obesity or diabetes which is
very common among youngsters. Another merit Correct subject-verb agreement
are
sport
can cause students
is mental health
. As we know, doing sports
release
Dopamine in our brain which is called the hormone of happiness Correct subject-verb agreement
releases
by
so Change preposition
apply
the
do not suffer from some mental Correct your spelling
they
deseases
Correct your spelling
diseases
such
as depression or anxiety. An the last
not the
least, usually at Correct article usage
apply
these
age Correct determiner usage
this
students
feel overweight, the
Correct word choice
and the
self- image
that they have from them self can Correct your spelling
self-image
detruct
their Correct your spelling
destroy
confidant
. So, Replace the word
confidence
sport
keep them more Fix the agreement mistake
sports
inshape
Correct your spelling
in shape
hand
boost the level of their confidence.
Correct your spelling
and
However
, some may say college years are very sensitive as the students
get ready to enter university, so they have to try very hard to study. Striving hard for sure bring
success for Correct subject-verb agreement
brings
students
, but I think putting small
amount of time aside for doing Add an article
a small
sport
can not damage their study plans. Also
, sport
can make pupils tired as they burn calories but a shower or sufficient amount of rest could compensate Fix the agreement mistake
sports
it
.
In conclusion, based on the arguments above I believe that Change preposition
for it
although
doing sport
is a bit time- consuming
or tiring, the advantages it brings for Correct your spelling
time-consuming
students
like better mental and physical health
worth the time and energy to spend on.Submitted by TUTOO on
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Enhancing Argumentation
To further improve your essay, consider expanding on your examples with more specific scenarios or studies. This can enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Sentence Variety
Work on varying your sentence structure to add sophistication to your writing. Mix complex and compound sentences to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
Addressing Counter-Arguments
Consider a brief counter-argument section to acknowledge opposing viewpoints more extensively before refuting them. This can add depth to your essay.
Introduction Clarity
You have a clear thesis statement that sets out your position effectively.
Balanced Argument
The essay maintains a good balance between discussing the importance of sports and addressing potential objections.
Use of Details
Use of specific details to support your points about the benefits of sports on physical and mental health.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.