In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
There has been a constant debate about whether
children
Use synonyms
should be able to participate in paid jobs.
While
Linking Words
some people say that
this
Linking Words
is not right, others believe that
this
Linking Words
is crucial for
children
Use synonyms
's development. In my opinion, I strongly argue that it is wrong for
children
Use synonyms
to engage in these paid employments, which I will elaborate more on in my essay.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
can have negative impacts on
children
Use synonyms
's health. Regarding physical health, certain body parts in
children
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
as bones and muscles, are not fully developed, which can be severely damaged or badly affected as
children
Use synonyms
take on intense work.
For example
Linking Words
, a significant number of
children
Use synonyms
are employed in the perfume-making industry.
This
Linking Words
heavily impacted
children
Use synonyms
with its harsh working conditions, including having to wake up early, and fight with mosquitoes and allergies to flower pollen, causing them multiple health problems
such
Linking Words
as irritation, a disrupted sleeping schedule, and dengue.
Besides
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
engaging in paid jobs can cause
children
Use synonyms
to not experience their childhood to the fullest. It is true that certain jobs can cause
children
Use synonyms
to undergo pressure;
nevertheless
Linking Words
, a number of parents still force them to because it means more income.
For instance
Linking Words
, with the growth of the Internet and social media platforms, a majority of families are making their offspring create content in order to post and earn money from advertisement deals. Though
this
Linking Words
might seem like a suitable career, a number of
children
Use synonyms
are threatened by hate comments about them, leading to harmful development. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
in some cases it is true that occupations can help
children
Use synonyms
learn valuable lessons, I strongly suggest
otherwise
Linking Words
and believe that it is better to consider other options to achieve the same goal since paid duties can heavily impact
children
Use synonyms
, both physically and mentally.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and addresses the topic comprehensively. However, improving the clarity and depth of your ideas can enhance your argument. You could provide more varied and specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph supports your main position, but ensure smoother transitions between points and paragraphs to improve flow. Providing more detailed explanations and avoiding repetition will also make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the argument and clearly states your position.
task achievement
The essay makes effective use of examples to illustrate points, adding credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The use of paragraphs to separate different ideas enhances readability and coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Child labor
  • Exploitation
  • Minimum age
  • Work experience
  • Survival
  • Taking responsibility
  • Education
  • Poverty
  • Legal restrictions
  • Physical toll
  • Psychological impact
  • Cultural perceptions
  • International conventions
  • Economic impact
  • Work-study programs
  • Skilled labor
  • Unskilled labor
  • Developing economies
  • Moral implications
  • Professional development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: