In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility. What are your opinion on this?
There has been a constant debate about whether
children
should be able to participate in paid jobs. Use synonyms
While
some people say that Linking Words
this
is not right, others believe that Linking Words
this
is crucial for Linking Words
children
's development. In my opinion, I strongly argue that it is wrong for Use synonyms
children
to engage in these paid employments, which I will elaborate more on in my essay.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
this
can have negative impacts on Linking Words
children
's health. Regarding physical health, certain body parts in Use synonyms
children
, Use synonyms
such
as bones and muscles, are not fully developed, which can be severely damaged or badly affected as Linking Words
children
take on intense work. Use synonyms
For example
, a significant number of Linking Words
children
are employed in the perfume-making industry. Use synonyms
This
heavily impacted Linking Words
children
with its harsh working conditions, including having to wake up early, and fight with mosquitoes and allergies to flower pollen, causing them multiple health problems Use synonyms
such
as irritation, a disrupted sleeping schedule, and dengue.
Linking Words
Besides
, Linking Words
children
engaging in paid jobs can cause Use synonyms
children
to not experience their childhood to the fullest. It is true that certain jobs can cause Use synonyms
children
to undergo pressure; Use synonyms
nevertheless
, a number of parents still force them to because it means more income. Linking Words
For instance
, with the growth of the Internet and social media platforms, a majority of families are making their offspring create content in order to post and earn money from advertisement deals. Though Linking Words
this
might seem like a suitable career, a number of Linking Words
children
are threatened by hate comments about them, leading to harmful development.
In conclusion, Use synonyms
while
in some cases it is true that occupations can help Linking Words
children
learn valuable lessons, I strongly suggest Use synonyms
otherwise
and believe that it is better to consider other options to achieve the same goal since paid duties can heavily impact Linking Words
children
, both physically and mentally.Use synonyms
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on
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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear position and addresses the topic comprehensively. However, improving the clarity and depth of your ideas can enhance your argument. You could provide more varied and specific examples to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Each paragraph supports your main position, but ensure smoother transitions between points and paragraphs to improve flow. Providing more detailed explanations and avoiding repetition will also make the essay more cohesive.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the argument and clearly states your position.
task achievement
The essay makes effective use of examples to illustrate points, adding credibility to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The use of paragraphs to separate different ideas enhances readability and coherence.