IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

people's character is influenced by environmet rather than genetics. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #character #environmet #genetics
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When it comes to the own personality traits can be affected by environmental
impact
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 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genes. The writer of
this
Linking Words
 essay absolutely agrees with
this
Linking Words
 notion
due to
Linking Words
 not only elaborating the
mindset
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 but
also
Linking Words
 changing the
habits
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. It is vital to understand that the
environment
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 has an
impact
Use synonyms
 on the traits by improving the way of thinking.
In other words
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, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children grow up in a well-educated system, they will have a positive and standard view of the world's aspect, and from that the young
mindset
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 can be affected in order to have more deeply mature thinking which leads to a big effect on the way they behave and their own characteristic. Taking the young crime as a specific example, their
mindset
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 is
such
Linking Words
 as the white paper, their gene can not make them jealous or ambitious about the things that do not belong to them.
Hence
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, the outside
impact
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 is the considerable
impact
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 influencing the people's
character
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. Another key component of the case for
personal
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the personal
a personal
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character
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 being influenced by the
environment
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 is the different
habits
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gained. It should be self-evident that the
environment
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 can make people adapt to their life by
changinig
Correct your spelling
changing
 their
habit
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habits
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can lead to
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change
Correct article usage
a change
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 the
character
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 as the path of life can be bumpy and have a lot of obstacles so when they try to be
better
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the better
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version
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versions
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 they need to learn everything that can help them
change
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 the way they treat with each other and easily
change
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 their personality. For
instanct
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instance
, the crime goes out the prison, they
changed
Wrong verb form
change
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 a lot
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of the fact that in there they need to adapt and learn how to be kind and they
change
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the
Change the word
their
show examples
habits
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.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they can connect with society
by
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through
show examples
Use synonyms
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
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from
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
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to
Change preposition
on
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 their
character
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. In
cconclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the
environment
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 can
put
Verb problem
have
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 an
impact
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 on
people
Change noun form
people's
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trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits
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as
Change preposition
by
show examples
 improving
the
Change the word
their
show examples
mindset
Use synonyms
 and
habits
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more directly address the essay question. Directly stating whether you agree or disagree at the beginning will strengthen your argument.
Language Use
Work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance clarity and readability.
Supporting Examples
Ensure to provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. Specific examples will make your arguments more compelling.
Grammar & Spelling
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid simple mistakes that can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
Understanding of Topic
Your essay clearly demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides a coherent argument on the influence of environment over genetics on personality.
Essay Structure
You made an effort to organize your essay with the use of paragraphs, each introducing a distinct point contributing towards your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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