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Band 5

people's character is influenced by environmet rather than genetics. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#people #character #environmet #genetics
When it comes to the own personality traits can be affected by environmental
impact
 rather than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
genes. The writer of
this
 essay absolutely agrees with
this
 notion
due to
 not only elaborating the
mindset
 but
also
 changing the
habits
. It is vital to understand that the
environment
 has an
impact
 on the traits by improving the way of thinking.
In other words
, when
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children grow up in a well-educated system, they will have a positive and standard view of the world's aspect, and from that the young
mindset
 can be affected in order to have more deeply mature thinking which leads to a big effect on the way they behave and their own characteristic. Taking the young crime as a specific example, their
mindset
 is
such
 as the white paper, their gene can not make them jealous or ambitious about the things that do not belong to them.
Hence
, the outside
impact
 is the considerable
impact
 influencing the people's
character
. Another key component of the case for
personal
Add an article
the personal
a personal
show examples
character
 being influenced by the
environment
 is the different
habits
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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gained. It should be self-evident that the
environment
 can make people adapt to their life by
changinig
Correct your spelling
changing
 their
habit
Fix the agreement mistake
habits
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can lead to
change
Correct article usage
a change
show examples
 the
character
 as the path of life can be bumpy and have a lot of obstacles so when they try to be
better
Add an article
the better
show examples
version
Fix the agreement mistake
versions
show examples
 they need to learn everything that can help them
change
 the way they treat with each other and easily
change
 their personality. For
instanct
Correct your spelling
instance
, the crime goes out the prison, they
changed
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 a lot
beacause
Correct your spelling
because
 of the fact that in there they need to adapt and learn how to be kind and they
change
the
Change the word
their
show examples
habits
.
Therefore
, they can connect with society
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
character
. In
cconclusion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, the
environment
 can
put
Verb problem
have
show examples
 an
impact
 on
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
trait
Fix the agreement mistake
traits
show examples
as
Change preposition
by
show examples
 improving
the
Change the word
their
show examples
mindset
 and
habits
.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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Introduction & Conclusion
Consider refining your introduction and conclusion to more directly address the essay question. Directly stating whether you agree or disagree at the beginning will strengthen your argument.
Language Use
Work on varying your sentence structure and using a wider range of vocabulary to enhance clarity and readability.
Supporting Examples
Ensure to provide more concrete examples to support your arguments. Specific examples will make your arguments more compelling.
Grammar & Spelling
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to avoid simple mistakes that can detract from the overall quality of your essay.
Understanding of Topic
Your essay clearly demonstrates an understanding of the topic and provides a coherent argument on the influence of environment over genetics on personality.
Essay Structure
You made an effort to organize your essay with the use of paragraphs, each introducing a distinct point contributing towards your overall argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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