Some people believe that in order to give opportunities to new generation companies should encourage high level employess who are older than 55 to retire. Do you agree or disagree? Why.
A considerable number of
individuals
claim that senior staff of organizations must be retired in some way as the younger generation is likely to be a more influential and eligible work
power; however
, I can't entirely agree with this
notion as I am inclined to believe that elderly employees are precious members of society and must be kept involved.
On the one hand, younger graduates must be brought into the job market due to
their possession of up-to-date information, wider outlooks toward life and business, and familiarity with technology and the internet, according to
a widely held belief. According to
this
viewpoint, these younger individuals
are not skilled or experienced workforce, yet they have the opportunity to study a vast majority of topics and subjects, which can cause them to be more beneficial candidates for some working positions. Consequently
, these younger generations must be prioritized to use this
information while
they are gaining more experience on their path. In India, for instance
, people over 50 years old are believed to be valued and protected, and hence
, they are motivated to quit working after middle age.
However
, I hold the conviction that senior citizens are undoubtedly worthy members of society, and they must not be isolated. There is a growing body of research that shows elderly members, especially those who are over their 50s, are in danger of being depressed. Moreover
, if they are kept out of or far from the working space, the rate of depression, unproductivity thoughts, and isolation fears may be rising exponentially. Indeed, younger generations can come to the real job market and work
along with
their seniors while
taking advantage of their valuable experience. This
can cause elderly citizens to feel useful while
giving the younger generation the opportunity to play a role in their pleased working playgrounds. In Japan, an economically and socially prosperous company, for example
, many companies have started to hire a young person to work
as an assistant with an experienced elderly person in the same field in order to make the younger one prepared for the business and keep the elder one motivated and productive.
In conclusion, after considering the above-mentioned points, although
, many individuals
believe that middle-aged citizens must be sidelined, I agree that elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
work force
must be kept valued and prioritized Correct your spelling
workforce
while
taking the responsibility of teaching and transferring their valuable experience to younger individuals
.Submitted by mojgan.sobhani on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay provides a balanced view with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively fulfilling the task. Consider diversifying your sentence structures further for enhanced clarity and engagement.
Task Achievement
You've presented clear, comprehensive ideas with relevant examples, demonstrating good task achievement. To aim for higher scores, further detail and depth in your examples could provide more convincing arguments.
Introduction and Conclusion
You effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument well.
Logical Structure
Your essay benefits from logical structuring, connecting ideas smoothly within and between paragraphs.
Use of Examples
The use of examples, such as the reference to practices in India and Japan, strengthens your arguments and demonstrates an understanding of the task requirements.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.